


The Wedding Day Zombie Blues.

by steeleye



Series: It's Grim Up North. [23]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Zomby Movies
Genre: Gen, Humour, Zombies, action adventure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-18 17:19:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14217969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steeleye/pseuds/steeleye
Summary: A Grim Up North story; Something old, something new, something borrowed, something dead! Giles is marrying Olivia, Willow and Kennedy are being joined in a civil partnership as are Dawn and Faith. Now what could possibly go wrong?





	1. Chapter 1

The Wedding Day Zombie Blues.

By Steeleye.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or anything else you might recognise. I write these stories for fun not profit.

 **Crossover:** Multiple crossovers with Zombie movies.

 **Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:** Written in glorious English-English which is different to American-English.

 **Timeline:** A 'Grim Up North' story set after the events depicted in, 'Unnatural Selection'.

 **Words:** Twelve chapters of 2500+ words

 **Warnings:** “LOOK OUT! There are Llamas!” 

**Summary:** A Grim Up North story; Something old, something new, something borrowed, something dead! Giles is marrying Olivia, Willow and Kennedy are being joined in a civil partnership as are Dawn and Faith. Now what could possibly go wrong?

0=0=0=0

**Previously on 'Grim Up North...'**

**Willow and Kennedy’s Apartment, 2004.**

“Okay,” Willow stood in front of Amy, “we’re gonna take a stab at getting you home and our friend back.”

“Yeah,” Amy looked at Willow sceptically, “what are you going to do? Open a portal right here in the room?”

“Yeah,” Willow nodded her head, “something like that.”

**~**

“Should I chant, ‘there’s no place like home’ and click my heels together?” Amy asked.

“Only if you think it’ll help,” Willow observed dryly, “okay everybody, places.”

**~**

“Go!” Willow pushed Amy firmly towards the portal.

**~**

**Zombie-world.**

“We’re fucked, man!” Rochelle cried as she swapped an empty magazine for a full one.

Cut off from any escape, Violet had to admit the woman was probably right. Pumping round after round into the zombie horde, she couldn’t see any way out.

**~**

**Willow and Kennedy’s Apartment.**

Watching Amy/Violet stumble through Willow’s portal, Dawn was shocked to see her friend, Vi, reappear almost immediately and fall to the floor.

“VI!?” Dawn rushed to the girl’s side.

“NO!” screamed Violet looking around the room wildly, “I’ve got to go back! I can’t leave them there…”

**~**

**Amy.**

Finding herself on the floor of a room that stank of blood and gun smoke, Amy looked up to find Zombies climbing in through the door and windows. Holding up her hand palm towards the monster which was about to bite into her, Amy said words of power and laughed with relief.

A line of incredibly bright light reached out to the first zombie and hit it on the forehead. In an instant the zombie stood frozen in place as light escaped from its eyes and mouth. More beams of light burst from the zombie's head to hit the misbegotten creatures that shambled in its wake; they too came to a halt, light pouring from their mouths and eyes as more beams of light spread to the rest of the zombie horde. By the time the fifth set of zombies had been hit by the light the first ones were turning to dust and disintegrating; very soon only ash blew on the breeze where moments before the zombie horde had stood. Amy clambered to her feet and watched as the two people in the room with her stared at her in wide eyed wonder.

“Vi?” gasped the girl, “W-what happened?”

“Vi’s gone home,” Amy smiled to herself, this looked like it could be fun, “Amy’s back in town, now who the hell are you?”

0=0=0=0

**The Oval Office, The White House, Washington DC, the present day.**

What hurt Amy the most was the betrayal, after all that she'd done for these ingrates they were now trying to kill her! Hiding under her desk, Amy flinched as another shell landed on the White House lawn; dust floated down from the ceiling as the building shook making the glass tinkle as it fell from the broken windows. Wasn't it herself who had set up the spell that had destroyed the zombie menace? Once the zombies were eliminated all people had to do was burn the bodies and sweep up the mess.

Was it too much to ask that the survivors should show her a little respect and give her the thanks that she so richly deserved instead of trying to kill her? Was it too much to ask that they should love and venerate her; President for Life Amy Madison, Amy the Great, Amy the Witch Queen of America, Amy the Magnificent, Amy the Terrible?

Obviously it was, because the rebels were shelling the White House grounds while their ground forces got closer and closer as they destroyed her Loyalist followers. Very soon she'd be seeing rebel tanks and troops making their way across the lawn, they'd trample the Rose Garden under their ungrateful feet and they'd come inside her sacred office to arrest or kill her.

Of course she'd slow them down with her magics but these were human beings not zombies. In this world magic wasn't much good against people, well not directly; she'd learnt that the first time she'd tried to turn someone into a rat. Okay, she _had_ turned them into a 'rat', sort of...a sort of 'Rat-person'. A person who was a rat but the same size as a person and who was very angry at being turned into a rat-like creature....in the end she'd had to have him shot. After that there was no more turning people into anythings. She'd had to use more subtle means to get herself into power and now it was all falling apart, just because she'd asked people to bow down in her presence. Well, maybe not just that but that seemed to have been the deal breaker.

Cowering under her Presidential desk, Amy heard several loud explosions in rapid succession as shells ripped up the lawn outside or smashed through the roof of the White House itself. Why, she asked herself, hadn't these people built a bunker under the White House like they had in her home-reality? Because, the answer came easily to Amy's mind, these people had never invented the atomic bomb and there'd never been a Cold War, that was why.

Kneeling there under her desk, Amy couldn't help but feel sorry for herself and when she started to feel sorry for herself she started to look for someone to blame. Why was she here under her desk being shot at, she asked herself, the answer came all too easily to her mind. This was all Willow Rosenberg's fault! If it hadn't been for Miss Goody-Two-Shoes-Witch-Bitch-Rosenberg, she'd not be sitting here now waiting for her enemies to come and kill her. Of course there was that Slayer, Whore, Buffy Summers, and all her slayer friends and that whiny sister of hers. They'd all been there when Rosenberg had banished her to a world that was about to be overrun by zombies.

Well, she'd show them, she'd make them regret ever having messed with Amy the Glorious, the Great, the Beautiful, the really, really AWESOME! She'd show them what it was like to have to fight for their lives against a ravening horde of the undead who were intent on eating their brains. Taking the opportunity given to her by a lull in the shelling, Amy scrambled from under the Presidential desk and crawled towards an overturned bookcase. Searching through the jumble of books lying on the floor she quickly found the one she wanted.

It didn't take her long to find the spell she needed. Drawing the required symbols in the dust on the floor all around her, Amy started to recite the spell that would take her back to her home reality. Cackling insanely, Amy came to the end of her spell and winked out of existence just as the first rebel troops burst into the Oval Office.

Amy Madison would have her revenge on all those who had wronged her!

0=0=0=0

**'The Buffy Bunker', Slayer Central, Saltburn-by-the-Sea, October 2006.**

Resisting the urge to laugh maniacally or rub her hands together in evil glee, Buffy looked around at what was already being called 'The Buffy Bunker' and smiled. The walls and roof were over two feet thick reinforced concrete with magical wards buried deep within them. The door that led to the reception area of the admin hut was four inch thick armour plate. There was also an escape tunnel that led to a concealed hatch fifty yards away on the other side of the parking lot (or car park as the British called it).

Of course it wasn't finished yet, Xander and his work crew still had a lot to do, but that was mainly cosmetic stuff, like; putting in the plasterboard walls, fitting the air conditioning and filtration system. Fitting the bathroom and kitchen and outfitting the small sleeping area at the back of the bunker. But most of the real important stuff was up and running. Looking at the rows of monitors connected to the CCTV cameras that swept Slayer Central, Buffy's grin got wider still. Twelve of those CCTV cameras were now connected to the defence lasers she'd bought off a company calling itself, E-O Supplies Limited.

Never again would people be able to just walk into Slayer Central and plant incriminating evidence in her chalet. Never again would CIA spies try to steal her executive bathroom. Neither would religious fanatics be able to mortar the school (the lasers were capable of destroying any mortar bombs before they landed...once they had the radar up and running that is) and attack the place so they could sacrifice Dawn to their evil, multi-armed goddess. No longer would the old holiday camp be an easy target for anyone who thought ill of the slayers. 

What the hell, thought Buffy as she threw her head back and laughed evilly, “MAW-HA-HA!” 

There she told herself, she felt much better now. Anyway, time was a-wasting, she had important business to attend to. Tomorrow, Giles was marrying Olivia, Willow and Kennedy were being joined in a civil partnership as were Dawn and Faith. It was going to be a busy day and just the sort of day that the enemies of the Slayer Organisation were likely to try and take advantage of.

0=0=0=0

Heaving the armoured door closed behind herself, Buffy thought for just a moment that the door needed disguising in some way; a grey metal door didn't go well with the décor of the reception area, she'd ask Xander what he thought about it. Calling a cheery greeting to Sheila the receptionist, who also worked as her PA, Buffy was just about to head back to her office when a call from Sheila stopped her in her tracks.

“Miss Summers,” Sheila called as she came out from behind her desk, a great pile of message slips in her hand, “The Mayor called about the charity dinner on Saturday night, Mr Brown the grocer wants to talk to you about the next quarter's food requirements, Colonel Dempsey would like to know when its convenient to send another slayer down to Hereford and Maddy and Gillian are waiting in your office to talk about the arrangements for tomorrow...and the florist wants to talk to someone about the flowers...she sounded upset.”

“Thanks, Sheila,” Buffy accepted the bundle of messages from the girl; the messages that Sheila had mentioned were probably the most important; by the looks of things there were a couple of dozen less important ones for her to deal with.

When they'd set up the Slayer Organisation (and one day they really would think of a better name for it) Buffy had never in all her worst nightmares imagined that it would involve so much paperwork and politics. Clutching the pile of messages to her chest, she headed on down the corridor to her office. Pushing her door open with her butt she walked into the office where Maddy and Gillian were standing looking up at a big copy of the seating plan pinned to the wall over by the window.

“Hi-de-hi guys!” Buffy called cheerfully as she walked across the room and dumped the messages in an untidy pile on her desk.

“Ho-de-ho Miss Summers!” the sisters replied happily.

Maddy and Gillian Mitchell were twin slayers, they must be about eighteen now, Buffy told herself. However, despite their youth they were some of the most organised slayers available to Buffy just at the moment. They'd eagerly come up from London when Buffy had asked them to help out...and what girl could resist the offer of being a bridesmaid at the wedding of the year?

“So how's it going?” Buffy asked as she turned to face the two teenagers, her smile and good humour slipped a little when she saw the sombre expressions on the girl's faces.

There seemed to be a problem with the wedding dresses. Giles and Faith had been easy to outfit. Giles had gone for the traditional top hat and tails look. Faith had told everyone that would listen that she wasn't 'gonna wear any stupid dress'. Instead she'd gone with the James Bond-Marlene Dietrich look. This left Olivia, Dawn, Willow and Kennedy all wanting to wear traditional white wedding dresses. Personally Buffy thought it would look just a little weird for both people in one couple to be wearing wedding dresses; she'd tried to talk Willow and Kennedy out of it but they were both adamant, they were both going down the aisle in white. Somehow, somewhere along the way the wedding dress supplier had got it into her head that the four wedding dresses were for four separate weddings being held on different days. The woman didn't seem to be able to come to grips with the concept of a 'mass' wedding.

“Okay,” Buffy nodded her head as she listened to Maddy and Gillian explain the problem, “send someone down to explain it all again and this time they better stay with her to make sure she doesn't slip up again...bridesmaids?”

“Bridesmaids are all lined up and ready to go,” Gillian or possibly Maddy explained (Buffy could never tell the girls apart), “the dresses arrived this morning and the final fittings are taking place as we speak.”

With so many brides there were a lot of bridesmaids, (Xander was the only 'best man' and he'd organised his own morning suit from a local tailor). Luckily most of the bridesmaids were slayers or witches and there were very few 'civilians' involved.

“As you know,” one of the twins explained to Buffy, “we went with the 'cream' dresses and they look really cool...”

“And long I hope?” Buffy asked suspiciously; the twins had originally wanted to wear inappropriately short dresses but that idea had been vetoed by Buffy in favour of a more traditional style.

“Yes Miss,” the twins chorused like two schoolgirls who'd just been given detention for the next twenty-five years.

“Food? Flowers?” Buffy asked as she went down her mental check list.

“All in hand,” Maddy or Gillian said; how was it, Buffy wanted to know, that Willow could tell the girls apart without hesitation?

“Guest list?” now this was the part that Buffy had been dreading.

Willow's parents were turning up (if they remembered), Kennedy's father was arriving along with her step-mother and half sister...now that was a disaster waiting to happen. Olivia's family would be there; this was another problem because, of course, they knew nothing of the world of the weird so would need sheltering from it if anything odd happened. Faith had no family that she would admit to. Dawn only had Buffy, they'd given up attempting to contact their father a couple of years ago. Finally there were the non-family guests, some of whom were quite important people, like Sir Harry (who was in charge of MI5) and his wife, Mrs Sir Harry. There were also a few military people, but most of the others were local dignitaries and friends.

“Security?” Buffy got to the subject that had been worrying her the most.

Flowers, wedding dresses, food and stopping a riot breaking out between the guests were one thing. Stopping the forces of darkness disrupting the ceremony was quite another.

“Right,” one of the twins took a deep breath and started to read from a clipboard, “we've got slayers on the doors with both mundane and magical weapon detectors. There will be armed slayers patrolling the grounds and the new, defence command and control centre will be 'manned' both before, during and after the ceremony and reception...”

The other twin took up the report as her sister ran out of breath.

“Both the venues for the ceremony and reception will be under armed guard tonight an' during the preparations tomorrow, no one's gonna sneak in an' plant anythin' nasty,” the girl reassured Buffy. “we've regular security guards on the main gate backed up by slayers and guards to patrol the car parks...”

“Sounds good,” Buffy admitted grudgingly, “let me see the security plan.”

Buffy waited while the girls got out a map of the camp showing the locations of all the guard posts. Studying the plan Buffy had to admit that the girls had done a pretty good job, but...it could still be better.

“Okay,” Buffy pointed to the map, “I want sniper teams here, here and here...”

“Miss?” Buffy was almost sure it was Maddy who spoke, “Snipers?”

“Better safe than sorry,” Buffy pointed out.

“But snipers, Miss,” the other twin who might have been Gillian asked, “don't y'think that's a bit of over kill?”

“That's totally what I'm working towards,” Buffy pointed out.

The twins looked at each other and did that really annoying silent communication thing that twins do, they shrugged in unison before turning to look at Buffy again.

“Alright Miss, we'll see what we can do,” one of them said as if she was talking to an aged and slightly insane aunt. 

“Look, guys,” Buffy fixed both girls with a hard stare, “this has got to go off perfectly, okay?”

“Okay,” the girls admitted before collecting up all their lists and plans and heading for the door.

Watching the girls leave, Buffy sighed a great sigh of relief. Everything was going to be fine...if it wasn't there would be great, big, mega, buckets of vengeance going 'round. Alone in her office, Buffy went over to where her own dress hung waiting for tomorrow; she was the 'Maid of Honour'. The dress was a very nice one and not in the slightest bit hideous like the one she'd had to wear at Xander's 'wedding'. Looking at the dress she wondered, not for the first time, if she'd ever be the bride. It seemed that every time she found someone, something terrible would happen. The last time she'd met a nice guy he'd ended up being tortured to death by sadistic-alien-space-frogs.

Her love life was doomed to disappointment so she'd always be the bridesmaid (or maid of honour) never the bride. But maybe, just maybe, one day she'd find someone. After all they did say that going to a wedding was the making of another. Tomorrow there were going to be three weddings, that had to improve her chances...hadn't it?

0=0=0=0


	2. Chapter 2

2.

_I was told by my Aunt  
I was told by my Mother  
That going to a wedding  
Is the making of another  
Well if this be so  
Then I'll go without a bidding  
Oh kind Providence  
Won't you send me to a wedding_

_And it's oh dear me how will it be  
If I die an old slayer in the garret?*_

*: 'Old maid in the garret'; Traditional.

“Scared?” Buffy asked; it was five minutes before the ceremony and so far (by some miracle) nothing had gone wrong.

“Scared?” Olivia turned her head slightly to look at Buffy, “Nervous, maybe...” Olivia paused for a moment, “...wondering if I'm doing the right thing, wondering if I'll be able to live with Rupert...”

“But Giles' is a great guy!” Buffy sprang to the defence of her ex-watcher, “Okay, he can be a bit stuffy...”

“Stuffy?” it was Olivia's turn to defend her husband to be, “You've obviously never seen the side of him that I have...”

“For which I'm totally grateful,” Buffy smirked, her face became more serious before asking; “why don't you think you could live with Giles?”

“It's not so much Rupert,” Olivia admitted, “it's all the baggage he comes with.”

“Baggage?” Buffy asked as she shifted nervously from one foot to the other; Buffy, Olivia and all the other brides and bridesmaids were standing in an anxious crowd in the lobby just outside the gym.

“Yeah, baggage,” Olivia replied quietly.

“I say again, baggage?” Buffy frowned as she tried to work out what Olivia meant; inside the gym the guests got themselves comfortable for what looked as if it was going to be an interesting thirty minutes or so.

“Look,” Olivia sighed, “understand this, I love you all and I understand what you guys do and everything but you've all known Rupert for way longer than I have...you're like his kids or he's like a favourite uncle to you and...”

“And?” Buffy glanced over to were Mr Ramsbottom, the Officiant for the ceremony, was getting himself organised in front of the huge floral display that had been set up instead of an altar.

“And...” if Olivia hadn't been of Nigerian decent she would have been blushing deeply, “...I can't help feeling that...well, I'm second best!”

“Second best!?” Buffy gasped, “No, never, you're everything to Giles he'd...”

“You mean you've never...you know?” Olivia looked incredibly uncomfortable for a moment, “Never imagined what it would be like...you know...with Rupert.”

“Would be like?” Buffy frowned again for a moment before she realised what Olivia meant, “No!” Buffy managed to keep her voice down to a loud whisper, in fact Buffy _had_ wondered what sex would be like with Giles...often.

Over the last few months, Buffy had had some pretty vivid sexual fantasies involving her, Giles, a naughty schoolgirl outfit and a lot of spanking. Of course now she was seeing Miss Tanya Hyde (strictest discipline enforced at all times) on the afternoon of the second Monday of every month, she was completely over Giles. However, she knew she needed to say something more to ease Olivia's concerns.

“Look,” Buffy smiled, “I might have had a minor crush on him when I was sixteen, but so did Willow and look at her now.”

Buffy nodded her head to where Willow and Kennedy were standing in their wedding dresses waiting for the celebrations to begin.

“You mean having a crush on Rupert turned her into a lesbian?” Olivia asked with just a hint of panic.

“No,” Buffy shook her head, “what I mean is that any sort of romantic feeling any of us might have had for Giles are totally behind us now...he's all yours.”

“He's not a puppy you don't want anymore, you know,” Olivia replied.

“Of course not,” Buffy laughed the comment off, “what I mean is that you've nothing to fear from any of us...unless you turn out to be a demon and hurt him...we all love Giles in a totally platonic way and we all want to see the both of you happy...and here's your dad to take you down the aisle.”

Buffy was grateful that Mr Ojukwu had turned up when he had, her conversation with Olivia was starting to go places that she'd rather they didn't.

“Mr Ojukwu,” Buffy smiled, “glad you're here, now I'll leave you with your daughter.”

Buffy turned away to start getting everyone organised. Mr and Mrs Ojukwu were pretty hard line Christians who weren't too happy that their daughter was getting married at the same ceremony as two lesbian couples were having their civil partnerships celebrated. Luckily, having been born and brought up in the UK, Olivia wasn't that religious and didn't have the same hang ups as her parents.

“Okay everyone,” Buffy clapped her hands together to get everyone's attention, “places.”

The order in which everyone would walk down the aisle had taken a lot of working out but eventually everyone had agreed on what was going to happen in...Buffy glanced at her watch...about two minutes.

First, Olivia would be walked down the aisle by her father who'd hand her over to Giles at the other end. Next Willow and Kennedy would walk each other down the aisle...now this was weird as they'd both insisted on wearing traditional wedding dresses and then there was the thing about the bride seeing the other bride before the ceremony. Plus, as all the brides had been allowed two bridesmaids each this meant Willow and Kennedy had four bridesmaids following them down the aisle; it all looked like there could be one huge bridal traffic jam at the other end of the walk. Luckily Buffy had Xander who was not only Giles' best man but was acting as a sort of bridal traffic cop making sure every one stood in the right place.

Lastly, Buffy would walk Dawn down the aisle followed by possibly the two most heavily armed bridesmaids ever. Gillian and Maddy were carrying an assortment of lethal weapons concealed beneath their bridesmaids dresses, basically Buffy wasn't taking any chances. Once she had everyone lined up in the correct order, Buffy scuttled to the front of the line where she waved to Mr Ramsbottom. Nodding back at Buffy he turned slightly to the pianist who started to play an arrangement of the theme from Star Trek, First Contact*.

At first Buffy had thought this was an odd choice, but now she'd heard it several times she'd felt it was a pretty good tune to walk down the aisle to. Again what tune was going to be played had been a much argued over subject. Some people wanted the traditional wedding march, other's wanted something 'wiccan', and at least one bride (who would remain nameless but she'd lived with Buffy for most of her life) had wanted a completely inappropriate tune. Eventually Xander had stepped in and said that as no one could agree he'd choose the music, Buffy thought he'd done pretty well.

Feeling like the guy who stands in the doorway as the paratroopers jump out of the aircraft, Buffy waited until the pianist had got a few bars into the tune before turning to Mr Ojukwu and Olivia.

“Good luck,” Buffy could almost feel the wind coming in through the aircraft's door, “Red on! Green on! Go!”

Waiting until the first couple where four or five paces down the aisle Buffy turned to Willow and Kennedy. Willow looked terrified while Kennedy looked a little green. They both clutched their bouquet’s like they were wringing the necks of a couple of exceptionally tough chickens.

“Okay?” Buffy asked.

“Fine!” Kennedy replied as she looked at Buffy with fear in her eyes like she'd never shown when facing a demon, “Never better.”

“Meep,” meeped Willow hardly loud enough to be heard.

“You'll be fine,” Buffy told them with a smile before kissing each of them on the cheek and giving the gang of bridesmaids behind them the nod to push the suddenly reluctant brides down the aisle.

Finally there was just Buffy and Dawn left to go, of course Maddy and Gillian (who looked even more identical than normal in their bridesmaid's dresses) were there but they kept a discreet distance from the Summers sisters.

“I wish mom was here to see this,” Buffy said as she fussed over Dawn's dress one final time.

“Don't say that, Buffy it'll make me cry,” Dawn replied, “you think she'd approve?”

“Of course she would,” Buffy stood next to Dawn and took her hand in her own, “as long as you're happy she'd approve.”

“Do you approve?” Dawn glanced at her sister.

“To be honest, Faith wouldn't have been my first choice for you,” Buffy admitted, “but I can see you both love each other...which by the way is wicked weird...so yes I approve...” Buffy paused for a moment, “...as long as I _never_ get to hear about what you did on your wedding night.”

“Wedding night?” Dawn grinned mischievously, “You mean you want to hear about what we did on all the other nights?”

“No! A thousand times _no_ ,” Buffy laughed, “I just pretend you read poetry to each other...anyway its time to move.”

“Half a league, half a league, half a league onward...” Dawn recited in a sister mocking whisper as she walked down the aisle with Buffy, “All in the Valley of Death rode the Six Hundred...”

“You know,” Buffy said there by preventing her sister from reciting anymore of 'The Charge of the Light Brigade', “I was never fully convinced that you weren't at least part demon.”

0=0=0=0

Waiting for all the brides, bridesmaids and the solitary best man to get themselves organised, Mr Ramsbottom couldn't help but think that the old fashioned way of doing things; where you had one bride and one groom was a lot simpler than it was nowadays. However, he sighed before smiling at the terrified faces in front of him, you had to move with the times and he privately wished them all well. Because the form of the ceremonies would be different it had been agreed that he'd marry Olivia and Rupert first before going on to the four young women. But first he'd make his introduction before starting on the individual vow taking.

“Welcome,” Mr Ramsbottom called out to the assembled congregation, “family, friends and loved ones. We gather here today to celebrate the wedding of Olivia and Rupert; and the civil partnerships of Willow to Kennedy and Dawn to Faith. You have all come here to share in this formal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support to these unions, and to allow Olivia, Rupert, Willow, Kennedy, Dawn and Faith to start their lives together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them. So, welcome to one and all, who have travelled from near and far. We thank you for your presence here today, and now ask for your blessing, encouragement, and lifelong support, for these couples' decision to be joined together.”

“First,” Mr Ramsbottom's eyes scanned the congregation for any possible trouble makers, “I am required to ask if there is anyone present who knows of a reason why these persons may not be lawfully joined together and to declare it now...”

The silence stretched for about thirty seconds and then just as Mr Ramsbottom was about to continue with the ceremony there was a disturbance at the rear of the gym. Looking up from his book of wedding services he saw a dark haired woman stand up. Apart from the insane glint in her eyes she didn't look any different from any of the other guests.

“I DO!” Amy called as she rose from her seat to float about twelve feet off the ground so everyone could see her; there was a collective gasp of shock from the congregation.

“What!?” Buffy turned to see Amy floating in mid air; already slayers were moving in on her as they pulled weapons from under dresses or from handbags.

Up in the rafters of the gym, Snipers took aim at Amy their rifles loaded with special, magically enhanced bullets. Looking around nervously as all these weapons were drawn or made ready, Mr Ramsbottom coughed loudly to get everyone's attention off the young woman who was floating in the air. He'd known this was going to be a _special_ wedding when he'd taken the job but he'd not expected floating women.

“Erm...excuse me everyone,” Mr Ramsbottom called; everyone turned to look at him, “before any violence breaks out I have to remind everyone that I'm legally bound to listen to any objections...”

“What!?” chorused the brides and groom as they all looked at Mr Ramsbottom in shock.

“Sorry,” he said quietly, “but I have to...normally its just to give the ushers time to move in and throw whoever out, but this time...” Mr Ramsbottom looked at the expectant couples sadly, “...I think I really need to listen to what this young woman has to say.”

“But she's a thundering loony,” Buffy whispered loudly, “and a really _bad_ witch too...” Buffy frowned thinking she needed to clarify things a little more, “...that's like 'bad' in an evil way not like she'd not very good with the spells and stuff because, hey, she seems to be pretty good with the old mojo right now...” Buffy looked across at Willow, “...Will are you planning on doing something anytime soon?”

“Like?” Willow looked at Buffy and shrugged.

“I don't know,” Buffy shrugged back, “zap her or something...”

“She's not a fly,” Willow pointed out, “and do you really want a magical battle right here in front of everyone?”

“Huh?” Buffy gestured to where Amy was still floating in mid air.

“That can be explained by wires,” Willow pointed out, “a battle between powerful witches could end with a lot of people being hurt and just maybe Amy has some valid grievances.”

“Valid grievances?” Buffy repeated but was prevented from saying anything more because Amy chose that moment to say something.

“I object because they don't deserve to be happy...” Amy began only to be interrupted by Dawn.

“Hey! What did I ever do to you?” she wanted to know.

“Or me,” Faith called as she held on to Dawn protectively.

“And me,” Kennedy added, “we only met that one time when you tried to...”

Suddenly everyone remembered what had happened that fateful day. They'd all been too busy worrying about what had happened to Buffy and Faith when they'd fallen through Willow's portal. They'd only later discovered that Willow had accidentally sent Amy to a world that was being over run by zombies and none of them had tried or even suggested that they should get her back. Slowly everyone realised what Amy was after.

“You sent me to a living hell,” Amy cried, “but now I'm back to exact my revenge!”

“Someone shoot her f'christs sake,” Olivia called loudly.

Before one trigger could be pulled or one spell cast there was a bright flash of light from around the altar. Crying out in alarm and blinking their eyes to rid them of the purple spots that danced before them; the congregation looked up to find that the wedding party had completely vanished leaving a very confused Mr Ramsbottom and a mob of stunned bridesmaids.

0=0=0=0

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Star Trek First Contact.  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhoa7oWPPhk

Old Maid in the Garret.  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8IhFbTfX2o


	3. Chapter 3

3.

**Somewhere that wasn't Saltburn-by-the-Sea.**

“Rupert!” Olivia wailed as she held on tightly to Giles' arm, “What happened?”

“Erm...” Giles took off his glasses; unable to polish them because Olivia was holding onto his other arm with a death grip, he put them back on again, “...I'm not too sure.”

“Looks like the southern United States,” Buffy said as she turned towards Faith and Kennedy for confirmation.

“Don't look at us,” Kennedy shrugged as she hitched up the bottom of her wedding dress and turned to look around, “Faith and I are both northern girls, right Faith?”

“Yeah,” Faith loosened her bow tie and slipped off her jacket, “but I've been down south a few times an' its sure hot enough...”

“Amy musta transported us here,” Willow observed as she shuffled over to join Kennedy, her wedding dress wasn't really designed for walking more than a few yards.

“You don't say!” Olivia cried, who was still hanging on to Giles' arm as if her life depended on it.

“No need to snap!” Willow snapped back, why was she getting yelled at, this wasn't her fault.

“I'm sorry,” Olivia didn't sound sorry at all, “but its not everyday I'm snatched from by own wedding to land up here in...in...wherever _here_ is!”

“It doesn't happen to me everyday either,” Dawn said in a quiet voice as she fanned herself with her bouquet, “but you don't find me snapping at people...”

“Well,” letting go of Giles, Olivia stood facing Dawn, her hands on her hips her own bouquet held tightly in her hand like a weapon, “you might be okay with it but...” Olivia's eyes grew round with fear, “The South you say?”

“Uh-huh,” Buffy nodded as she flashed Giles silent signals to 'control his woman', “Looks like...”

“Right...” Olivia looked around at the trees that grew next to the dusty track they were all standing on, “...the land of the Klue-Klux-Klan, right!?” Olivia looked nervously at the trees half expecting to see white sheet clad Klansmen appear, “It might have escaped your notice that I'm not exactly lily white here!”

“Don't worry,” Buffy tried to reassure Giles' bride, “the South's not like that nowadays...” Buffy looked at Faith and Kennedy, “...is it?” Both dark haired women shrugged, “Erm...” Buffy turned to look at Willow, “...okay Amy sent us somewhere, could she also have sent us some-when?”

“I don't know...” Willow noticed the look of panic on Olivia's face; she obviously had no wish to be 'jumping down, turning around and start picking bails of cotton' anytime soon, “...but I'm sure she didn't.”

“How?” Olivia wanted to know, she looked up at Giles, “And there's no way I'm going to start calling you 'Mas'sa'...”

“No need,” Giles replied in a steadying and slightly superior voice, “you're a British citizen...we banned slavery years before the Americans got around to it.”

“Hey guys,” Dawn called as she looked down the track, “something coming...”

The wedding party moved off the track as best they could and stood on the dusty grass at the side of the road. Looking down the track they saw a cloud of dust heading towards them at high speed. In the centre of this fast moving dust cloud was a large silver SUV.

“Someone try to stop it!” called Giles as the vehicle sped towards them.

“How?” Buffy turned to Giles hoping for some suggestions.

Stepping forward, Dawn pulled up the front of her wedding dress to expose one long, stocking and garter clad leg, she also held out her thumb in the approved hitch-hiking manner. However, it was all to no avail, the car sped by the little group of out of place brides and groom and sped off down the track leaving a great cloud of dust in its wake.

“Well,” Giles took off his glasses and blew the dust from the lenses, “I think that should settle Olivia's fears of being trapped in the old South and being carted off as a slave...OWW!” Giles looked down at his arm where Olivia had just hit him, and demanded, “What was that for?”

“Dawn!” Buffy gasped looking to where her sister was still showing a lot of shapely leg, “I hope you totally don't do that sort of thing all the time...”

“Hey, cool,” Faith smiled as she moved closer to Dawn, “stockings and garters...sexy.”

“Thought you'd like them,” Dawn smiled at Faith as she let her dress fall back into place.

“Yeah,” Faith slipped an arm around Dawn's waist, “Faithie like...”

“You see what I have to put up with?” Giles asked Olivia quietly as he took off his glasses again so he wouldn't have to see what Faith and Dawn were doing.

“Yeah,” Olivia nodded her head, before rushing to his side, “poor, Rupert.”

“People!” Buffy called, it was time to take charge, “Okay lets get organised,” she walked out onto the road again, “like it looks as if we're in the South...”

“North Carolina,” Kennedy called.

“How do you know?” Buffy asked.

“The car had a bumper sticker,” Kennedy explained.

“Well spotted, sweetheart,” Willow congratulated her girlfriend.

“Whatever,” Buffy said before Willow and Kennedy started some silly, romantic babble, “we're in the South, possibly North Carolina. Now from what insane-o-girl Amy said we're not here for our health so I think we better start looking for the basics.”

“The basics?” everyone chorused.

“You guys haven't been on your SAS training courses yet,” Buffy had spent a fun three weeks being 'trained' by the SAS, in interesting things like combat survival and how to deal with being interrogated. “Look you need these basic things for survival,” Buffy counted them off on her fingers, “we'll need shelter, food and water, and weapons.”

“So which way do you suggest we go, Buff?” Willow asked gesturing up and down the track; one way looked as good, or as bad, as the other.

“Well,” Buffy looked around but she couldn't see anything that would give her a clue as to which way to go, “that car must have been coming from somewhere and going to somewhere, so...” Buffy mentally tossed a coin, it came down 'heads', she pointed to the direction from which the car had come, “...we go this way.”

0=0=0=0

The designers of wedding dresses or even morning suits, had never expected their creations to be worn on cross country hikes in high temperatures. Very soon those wearing suits, like Giles and Faith, had taken off their jackets and loosened their shirt collars. Those wearing wedding dresses struggled on as best they could while hoping that they wouldn't be afflicted by heat stroke.

“What I can't understand,” Dawn said as she trudged along next to Buffy, “is why Xander's not here.”

“What do you mean?” Buffy replied.

“Well,” Dawn began to explain, “he was standing right next to us all, plus he was there when we took Amy out of Vi's body and put her back in her own...”

“And accidentally stranded her in the zombie apocalypse,” Buffy added.

“Exactly,” Dawn nodded, “so why isn't he here? Why have we got Olivia? I mean she's nice enough but I think under the circumstances I'd prefer Xander being here.”

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, “apart from all the woodworking skills, he's more used to this sorta stuff happening.”

“Yeah,” Dawn glanced around to where Olivia was walking next to Giles, “she's not taking it very well, is she?”

“Hey!” Buffy felt she needed to spring to the defence of her watcher's bride, “I seem to remember you didn't take your first kidnapping too well either.”

“Yeah, well,” Dawn shrugged, “I was only fourteen at the time...”

“And look at you know,” Buffy smiled impishly, “you can't wait to be chained up...”

“Only if its Faith doing the chaining,” Dawn pointed out, “and then...”

“I really don't want to know what my little sister does in the privacy of her own bedroom with her girlfriend,” Buffy stopped to think for a moment, “You do only do it in the privacy of your own bedroom, don't you?”

“Well that's one of the differences between you and me Buffy,” Dawn pointed out nonchalantly, “you have all these hang ups about sex, I mean I'd love to know what goes on when you visit Miss Tanya Hyde...” Dawn grinned at her sister, “...Willow says she does discounts for groups...”

“Hey look!” Buffy cried as she pointed down the track and changed the subject, “Thank god a house!”

“Chicken,” Dawn muttered softly.

“Hey guys!” Buffy turned to the others thankful not to have to continue her discussion with her sister, she pointed to the house, “Look, shelter!”

0=0=0=0

The house was a modern two story building set well back from the track in its own grounds, it looked deserted. The front door stood wide open giving the impression that whoever had lived there had left in a hurry. On the lawn next to the house Buffy and her friends could just make out a pool with some tables, chairs and sun umbrellas. Even from the road they could see the abandoned glasses and beer bottles.

“Okay,” Buffy said slowly; reaching down she ripped open the seem of her bridesmaids dress so she could move her legs more easily, “Kennedy you stay here and guard everyone.”

“Got it,” Kennedy replied.

“Faith,” Buffy glanced around at Faith, “you're with me, lets go see if there's anyone...”

“Or anything,” Faith added.

“...or anything at home,” Buffy started to walk towards the house.

Walking up to the front door both slayers paused to listen. Somewhere close by a door or window squeaked as it moved in the breeze.

“Isn't this where the heroes split up and get picked off one by one?” Faith asked.

“You wanna split up?” Buffy asked.

“Nah,” Faith shook her head, “I'll stick with my sister-in-law.”

“Who?” deserted house forgotten, Buffy turned to look at Faith.

“Yeah,” Faith grinned evilly, “just realised, with me an' Dawnie hitched you an' me are sisters...official like!”

“Jeeeez,” Buffy gasped, “I knew there was a reason to be against this entire civil partnership thing...” Buffy shook her head, “...we'll deal later,” she gestured to the house, “come on...I don't know about you but I'm dying for a shower...”

“Yeah,” Faith agreed, “I'd forgotten how hot it could be down here...lets go.”

Moving through the house Faith and Buffy did in fact split up, but unlike the heroes in horror movies because they were slayers they always knew where the other was. They were also capable of killing anything that would lay any normal movie hero low. Moving silently into the kitchen, Buffy noticed that the fridge door was open a crack. She could see the light on in the fridge and hear its motor buzzing as it worked hard to over come the hot humid air in the kitchen. Moving around the large central island toward the fridge, Buffy saw the body lying on the floor in a pool of its own blood.

“Body!” Buffy called loud enough for Faith to hear.

“Where?” Faith appeared from out of another doorway.

“Here,” Buffy pushed the fridge door shut before she crouched down next to the body, “looks like he's had his throat ripped out.”

“Yeah,” Faith agreed as she crouched down next to Buffy to get a better look at the corpse, “rest of the place looks clear, like whoever left in a hurry but nothing to explain why.”

Buffy gestured at the body.

“Yeah there is that,” Faith agreed.

“We better get him cleared away before Olivia comes in here,” Buffy observed.

“Why?” Faith wanted to know, “Hasn't she ever seen a body with its throat ripped out before?”

“Probably not.”

“Oh, yeah,” Faith admitted, before adding, “look I'm getting nothing on the spider sense.”

“Me neither,” Buffy agreed.

“Why not get everyone in out of the sun while I check upstairs...” Faith grinned adding, “...sis?” 

“Good idea,” Buffy agreed, “and less of the 'sis' thing, you're not partnershipped to Dawn yet.”

“Awww,” Faith complained as she stood up, “but I've always wanted a little sister.”

“Look you're just over a month older than me,” Buffy complained, “I don't think that counts in the 'little sister' stakes.”

“Whatever,” Faith shrugged, “you get everyone in, I'll check upstairs.”

0=0=0=0

Moving quietly around the bedrooms upstairs, Faith found no one alive and no more bodies, she did, however, find evidence of a struggle. To her trained slayer's eyes it looked like something had got in and trapped people in three different rooms upstairs. At least she'd found the doors to three rooms locked or barricaded. There were marks on the secured doors that looked like something had tried to claw their way in. 

A couple of the bedrooms had signs of a hurried departure, clothes littering the floor and personnel belongings had been knocked over. But there was no blood or signs of any real violence so Faith guessed that whoever had been up here must have escaped, probably in that car that had sped by them earlier. Faith's musings were interrupted by a piecing scream from downstairs.

“Sounds like Olivia's found the body,” Faith chuckled to herself as she turned to head back down stairs, she'd told Buffy to clear up the body before Olivia got to see it.

0=0=0=0

“I wanna go home!” Olivia sobbed as she held onto Giles; they were standing in the kitchen the dead body lying at their feet.

“Sorry,” Buffy looked helplessly at Giles before turning to Kennedy, “Help me get him outside.”

“Sure,” Kennedy moved forward and grabbed the dead guy's feet while Buffy took hold of his shoulders; as they lifted the corpse its head fell off.

“Ewww!” Buffy cried as the severed head rolled across the kitchen floor.

“I'll get that!” Willow called as she reached to pick up the head.

“Hey!” Dawn stepped in front of Willow, “Health care professional here,” in her other life, the one as a normal human being, Dawn was a medical technician with the Cleveland Ambulance Service, “I'll take that.”

Dawn picked up the head by its hair and studied the chewed neck for a moment.

“Looks like something big and powerful chewed on this guy,” Dawn observed.

“Yeah,” Willow agreed as she moved to get a better view of the head, “but the teeth marks don't look so big...”

Willow and Dawn's discussion was interrupted by the sound of Olivia throwing up in the kitchen sink.

“Ooops,” Dawn said quietly as she grinned at Willow, “I think we better put this outside.”

“Yeah, right,” Willow nodded her agreement as Dawn took the head and put it with the rest of the body outside.

“Okay!” Buffy called as she came back into the kitchen wiping blood and gore from her hands onto her dress, “Time to get organised...Willow, Giles, you search the house for anything that tells us where we are. Dawn when Olivia stops throwing up could you and her clean up in here and maybe organise something to eat?”

“Sure thing,” Dawn replied happily, Olivia just groaned.

“Kennedy,” Buffy turned to the younger slayer, “you're on guard duty.” Kennedy nodded her head, “Faith you come with me, I think we need weapons judging by our dead friend there, anyone want to add something?”

“Yeah,” Faith spoke up from over by the kitchen door, “there's loads of clothes left by whoever upstairs, might be an idea to get outta the wedding outfits an' change into something more comfortable.”

“Good idea,” Buffy agreed, “now lets move like we mean it people!”

“Yes Ma'am!” Dawn sketched a hasty, comic salute at her sister before turning to look at everyone else, “Y'know she's not been the same since she came back from the SAS, mind-you, she _is_ a big sister so she's always been pretty bossy.”

0=0=0=0


	4. Chapter 4

4.

**North Carolina?**

The mere fact that Amy Madison had messed with Willow's mind while she was struggling with magic addiction was enough to put her on Kennedy's 'to kill' list. The witch had also swapped bodies with Vi and sent her off to some sort of zombie world while she tried to bring down the entire Slayer Organisation; this made Kennedy sorry she couldn't kill Amy more than once. Vi was her friend, they'd been terrified potentials together in Sunnydale and you stuck by friends come what may, at least you did in Kennedy's book.

So, the Slayer Organisation was run by Buffy Summers; the same Buffy Summers that had made bad choices in her life, which had nearly got everyone killed back in Sunnydale. Buffy might be a middle-class snob...but she was the matriarch of the slayers and she really wasn't _that_ bad. After all hadn't Kennedy killed Ethan Rayne because he'd planted the evidence that had sent Buffy to prison? Kennedy and Buffy would never be what you might call best friends. Even after Kennedy had learnt a lot about Buffy and why she was like she was. After all she'd sort of been Buffy's sponsor for Alcoholic's Anonymous, so yeah, Buffy wasn't _all_ bad.

Just at the moment Kennedy was patrolling the grounds of the house where they'd all taken shelter. Standing near the swimming pool at the rear of the house, she looked at the pool and its cool inviting water. She was extremely tempted to rip off her wedding dress and jump in. Miserably, Kennedy looked down at her stained dress, it was ruined now; this was another reason Amy Madison had to die, she'd spoilt everyone's wedding. Okay, Kennedy told herself, a Civil Partnership wasn't quite a wedding but it was close enough and Amy 'insane-o-witch' Madison had ruined everything.

Turning slightly, Kennedy saw that whoever had been at the house before they'd all arrived had set up a water slide on the grassy bank next to the pool. There was a long sheet of plastic to slide down, a hose to squirt water with. There was even a barbecue set up and ready to go, these people were having some serious fun. Walking over to the wreckage of the party, Kennedy noticed the abandoned bottles of beer, reaching down she touched a half full bottle, it was warm. There were glasses sitting on the wooden table near the barbecue with what looked like fruit juice and a lot of insects in them, so girls as well as guys. Turning away to continue her patrol, Kennedy's foot nudged something in the grass, looking down she saw a baseball bat just lying there.

“Cool,” Kennedy picked up the bat and examined it; it was a wooden one and on the last six inches or so was a brown residue, “blood...”

All slayers knew blood when they saw it and it was obvious that this bat had been used to beat out someone's brains. Scanning the grass with sharp, slayer eyes, Kennedy saw no beaten and battered murder victims. What she did see was a large black dog of indeterminate breed sitting on the lawn about fifty yards away watching her, she was pretty sure it'd not been there a moment ago.

“Hello puppy,” Kennedy said quietly as she gave the dog her full attention, “or maybe not.”

The dog was making her feel really uneasy, it just sat there watching her in a very un-dog-like way as if it was waiting for some sign for it to do something. Hefting the bat in her hand, Kennedy took a couple of steps towards the creature. It got up and after a moment's hesitation it started to run at the lone slayer. The dog growled loudly and bared its teeth as it bounded over the grass towards her. It was only when the dog was about twenty-five yards away that Kennedy noticed that half the dog's skull was missing.

“Oh crap,” Kennedy whispered to herself as she took up a batter's stance to receive the dog's charge.

As soon as the dog got within range it launched itself through the air at Kennedy's throat. Swinging the bat with slayer strength, Kennedy felt the vibrations run up her arm as the bat struck the dog's head with a loud *THWACK!*. Hearing bone break under the impact of the bat, Kennedy smiled as she watched the dog fly sideways through the air.

“YEAH!” Kennedy punched the air as the dog rolled head over heels across the grass, “Home run!”

Kennedy's smile of triumph was soon replaced by a frown as the dog rolled to a halt, gathered its legs around it and lunged at her again. This time Kennedy didn't try anything fancy, she simply beat the dog to a bloody pulp as soon as it got within range of her bat. Breathing slightly heavily after she'd finished her work, she looked down at the corpse and shook her head; this wasn't normal she told herself and maybe she should let the group know what had happened.

0=0=0=0

Five minutes after Kennedy had killed the dog, or possibly killed the dog _again_ everyone was standing around looking at the dead animal as it lay on the grass.

“You beat a dog to death?” Olivia cried in disgust.

“A zombie dog,” Willow corrected having looked at the dog's corpse more closely; she was being very careful not to touch it.

“A zombie dog?” Olivia looked at Willow, “How do you know?”

“Well,” Willow explained as she stood up, “anyone can see its been dead for a good twenty-four hours and normally things that died a day ago don't go around attacking people. So I'm thinking as it's so not night time its probably not a vampire dog...”

“A vampire dog?” Olivia paled slightly.

“Zoltan, Hound of Dracula,” Dawn volunteered in a faux Balkan accent.

“Oh yeah,” Olivia nodded, remembering the low budget film.

“...so I'm thinking zombie,” Willow completed her sentence.

“Who'd want to make a zombie dog?” Olivia asked.

“And that my friends is a very good question,” Buffy observed, “I think we need a Scooby meeting.”

“A what?” Olivia found she was asking a lot of questions and not getting the sorts of answers that she wanted to hear; like answers that didn't involve words such as, 'zombie' and 'vampire'.

Intellectually she accepted that things called Demons, Zombies and Vampires existed, accepting they existed was one thing, seeing the evidence with her own eyes was quite another.

Scanning the lawn and tree line with eyes that missed nothing, Kennedy noticed that the sun was lower in the sky than it had been, it would soon be dusk. Everything looked peaceful and not in the least scary. Knowing that this was just the time to be more on her guard than she normally was, Kennedy clutched her bat more tightly and followed everyone else back into the house.

0=0=0=0

After securing the house, everyone went into the big family room and sat down while Dawn and Olivia brought in plates of sandwiches, plus bottles of soda and water. Once everyone was comfortable, Giles called the meeting to order.

“Alright,” Giles said after eating half a sandwich, “I think it would be a good idea to find out what resources we have to work with,” he turned to look at Olivia and Dawn, “how are we off for supplies?”

“As near as I can guess we've got food in the house for two or three days,” Olivia explained; having helped to clean up after the body in the kitchen, she'd found that working out what supplies they had was a good way of keeping her mind off things like pools of blood and dead bodies. “The water is still on as is the electricity, I think we'll be okay here for a while until help comes.”

“In situations like this,” Kennedy the zombie dog slayer, observed soberly, “waiting for 'help' will get you killed.”

“Erm...” Dawn jumped into the deathly silence that had followed Kennedy's gloomy pronouncement with both feet, “...there's some basic medical supplies, so I won't be doing any major surgery,” she quipped, “aspirin, stuff like that and oddly a large supply of contraceptive pills, so,” Dawn tried to inject some humour into the situation, “there's no reason for anyone to get pregnant.”

“Thank-you Doctor Kill-more,” Buffy announced, before reporting her own findings, “there was obviously some sort of fight here but between who and what I couldn't work out, but seeing how Kennie killed the zombie hound from hell I'm guessing zombies.”

“Yeah, B an' me turned the joint up-side-down,” Faith added, “there's nothing in here that shouldn't be but...” Faith paused and gave everyone a hard look, “...this place wasn't built for defence. If we're thinking brain eating, zombie horde from zombieland we don't wanna be trapped in here. Too much glass and the doors are like made outta match wood.

“Xander's never here when you really need him,” Dawn complained.

“Also,” Buffy interrupted her sister, “apart from a collection of kitchen knives and Kennedy's bat there's not a weapon in the house.”

“What none?” Giles frowned, “what ever happened to gun mad America?”

“Sorry to disappoint, tweed man,” Buffy shrugged, “but sometimes stereotypes aren't so 'stereotypey'!”

“Well that's typical,” Giles huffed, “the one time you expect Americans to act in a certain way they don't.”

“I apologise for my nation,” Buffy smiled, “so, while we've all been finding ways to disappoint you, what have you and Willow found out.”

“Do you want to tell them Willow?” Giles asked, “I'm too depressed after having my illusions shattered.”

“Okay,” Willow shifted in her seat as she took hold of Kennedy's hand in her own, “first; it looks like Amy used more than a simple move everyone to a different reality spell...she also threw in a little time travel too.”

“How much?” Faith wanted to know.

“About four years,” Willow explained, “its about twenty-ten here.”

“Not too bad then,” Dawn observed.

“Yeah well it wouldn't be so bad if we were in our own reality but we're not,” Willow went on.

“It's never that easy with Amy,” Buffy muttered.

“Like whoever lived here wasn't big on the books,” Willow continued, “like they totally weren't into history, but, Giles and I managed to work out that there's some significant differences between our past and the past in the here and now.”

“Too bloody right there are,” Giles muttered darkly, “it looks like Olivia's worries about being taken away as a slave aren't that far from the mark!”

“Like?” Faith's interest in history had just been piqued.

“Too long a story for now, tell you later,” Willow said quietly before taking a deep breath, “the oldest newspaper we found was for a week ago and gives no clue as to why there should be zombies. The TV and radio aren't working...I mean they're _working_ but no one's broadcasting anything.”

“Okay,” Buffy sighed, “on the plus side we're not going to stave or die of thirst just yet. On the minus side we don't know where we are or what's going on and there might be zombies...”

“There definitely _are_ zombies,” Kennedy reminded everyone, “we just don't know how many.”

“Kennedy has a point,” Buffy nodded, “but better safe than dead I always say, so let's assume we're going to be fighting the zombie horde, so...” Buffy turned to look at Willow, “...can you magic us home?”

“Yeah,” Willow replied brightly, “if I had the right supplies.”

“But that Amy girl just snapped her fingers and we were gone,” Olivia pointed out, “now everyone tells me you're this mega-witch-woman, why can't you just snap your fingers and send us all home?”

“Oh I'm way more powerful than Amy,” Willow's roots started to turn black and her voice took on a menacing tone, “wanna find out how much more powerful?”

“Willow,” Kennedy said warningly as she tugged at Willow's arm to get her attention, “stop that!”.

“Sorry,” Willow's hair slowly turned completely red again, “I just don't like it when people doubt my powers.”

“Olivia has a good point, Will,” Buffy said in a placating tone, “how come you can't just snap your fingers and send us home?”

“Look, Amy probably had everything set up before hand,” Willow explained, “all she'd need to do to set the spell in motion would be to say a key phrase or like, snap her fingers.”

“So what will you need to do your 'no place like home' spell?” Buffy wanted to know.

“A good magic shop,” Willow replied.

“So we're gonna need a town,” Faith pointed out.

“And probably transport,” Dawn added.

“So we're not going to wait here until we're rescued,” Olivia pointed out.

“Like I said,” Kennedy reminded Giles' wife-to-be, “that sort of thinking gets you killed.”

“Yes, well, in that case,” Giles spoke up playing the responsible adult like he normally did, “I suggest we get some rest and leave here tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah,” Dawn agreed, “there seems to be plenty of water and the electricity is still on so we can all have hot showers.”

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, “good idea Dawnie and when Faith and I were searching we noticed that whoever was here last left a lot of clothes behind so I think we can help ourselves, after all I don't think they'll be coming back for them.”

“Good,” Giles added, “I for one am a little fed up of looking like a member of the lost wedding tribe.”

“I don't remember seeing any tweed, Giles,” Buffy quipped.

“So that's settled,” Giles ignored Buffy's comment, “while we're taking turns showering and getting changed the others can sort out what we need to take with us tomorrow.”

“Right,” Buffy stood up indicating that the time for talking had passed and it was time to do something, “Faith, Kennedy, we better work out a guard rotor for tonight, okay everyone lets get with the program.”

0=0=0=0

It was nearly three-thirty in the morning now and Buffy was watching as the eastern sky slowly got lighter. The night had passed quietly, there'd been no hordes of zombies looking for a quick midnight snack. In fact if it hadn't been for Kennedy's zombie dog attack this would have made a nice vacation. After all every one was here with their honey...except her. As usual Buffy found she was the fifth wheel, or in this case the seventh wheel.

Why was it she appeared to be spending her life in doomed relationships or no relationships? What had she done to deserve this? Hadn't she spent a good part of her life saving the world? Didn't she deserve some happiness? Someone to be there just for her, to make her happy, someone to snuggle up to at night after a long day's slaying? Obviously not. The universe manifestly hated Buffy Summers and was determined to make her live a loveless life full of danger and heartache.

“Wow,” Buffy signed quietly before telling herself, “you're really feeling sorry for yourself tonight. But don't I have a right to?” she asked herself, “The only physical contact I get is when I'm slaying, training the baby slayers or when I go to visit Virginia.” Buffy was of course referring to Miss Tanya Hyde (strictest discipline enforced at all times) who she visited on the afternoon of the second Monday of every month. “Crap!” Buffy moped, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

It was probably down to sitting here in the dark watching for zombies; she'd drawn the straw for the last guard of the night which meant she'd need to put the coffee on soon and wake everyone up in about two hours time. Suddenly any thoughts Buffy might have had about letting people getting some more sleep where chased from her mind when her spider sense went on 'tilt'. Standing up she stared out into the dark garden.

By now the sky in the east was bright blue and any minute now the sun would poke its face over the horizon, which of course made it very difficult to see anything even for a slayer. While the sky was bright the ground was still too dark to see much. Staring intently into the dark shadows under the trees and bushes that surrounded the house, Buffy's spider sense started to yammer against the inside of her skull. There was something out there and she was betting it was the zombie horde.

0=0=0=0


	5. Chapter 5

5.

**North Carolina, Zombie-world?**

“Buffy,” Giles said in a rather pitying tone, “I hardly think twelve zombies constitutes a horde.”

“They're so still,” Olivia observed as she stared out the window at the motionless living-dead, “is that normal? I mean shouldn't they me wondering around going, 'uugh' and trying to eat our brains like in all the films?”

“Olivia's gotta point, Giles,” Faith agreed with Giles' bride-to-be, “they're not acting as advertised.”

“Whatever,” Buffy thought she should defend her call to arms, “there's still zombies out there, so that can't be good.”

On sensing the zombies hidden in the shadows, Buffy had raised the alarm and woken everyone from their beds. As it was still far too early in the morning and zombies weren't exactly smashing their way into the house, everyone was now a little grumpy and casting Buffy annoyed looks.

“So, they are acting unnaturally?” Olivia asked.

“Looks like,” Dawn nodded sagely, “unlike so many other things, the movies got zombies about right,” Dawn moved so she was standing closer to Faith, “these guys just aren't normal.”

“Dawn's right you know,” Giles sounded like he was going to go into full lecture mood, “zombies are generally, slow moving, dim witted, persistent and always ravenously hungry...”

“Like they want to eat your brains,” Olivia pointed out.

“Brains, arms, legs, anything they can get hold of actually,” Giles explained before continuing with his description of zombie behaviour and zombie-kind in general. “Although they're strong they're not supernaturally strong and can easily be killed by breaking their necks, shooting them in the head or setting them on fire.”

“You've fought zombies before?” Olivia asked hopefully as she looked up into Giles' face adoringly.

“No,” Giles looked slightly embarrassed at all this admission, “not as such.”

“I don't think any of us have,” Buffy pointed out, “guys?”

Everyone in the room shook their heads.

“But like you're all supernaturally strong and expert fighters, right?” Olivia asked hopefully as she looked from one woman to another.

“Not me,” Dawn raised her hand, “I drive ambulances for a living...” Dawn paused in thought for a moment, “...and Willow's a pregnant witch but all the others are born killers!”

“I wish you wouldn't say things like that,” Buffy turned to her sister.

“Why?” Dawn asked defensively, “I'm just trying to make Olivia feel better.”

“But you're making being a slayer sound...y'know? Icky?” Buffy explained.

“Its okay guys,” Olivia smiled (she had a nice bright smile that really lit up her face), “I get what Dawn means.”

“I'm so glad that's been cleared up then,” Giles added with just a pinch of sarcasm, “but seeing how we're not being killed in our beds, perhaps we should go back to them?”

Just then Willow stuck her head around the door to the kitchen where Kennedy and herself had been cooking breakfast when they'd discovered there was no need to be fighting off the army of the dead.

“Breakfast's ready!” she called.

“Oh great!” Dawn smiled as she turned to head for the kitchen and food; Kennedy believed in _big_ breakfasts and Dawn was starving.

“Hold it everyone!” Buffy called as she pointed out the window; everyone turned to look.

The zombies must have heard Willow's call to breakfast because they were now making their way towards the house at an unnaturally fast pace.

“I thought you said they only moved slowly,” Olivia cried nervously as she backed away from the window, the zombies were now running and they'd soon be at the house.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, she looked accusingly at Giles, “I thought you said that too.” However now was not the time for recriminations, “Okay people,” the zombies were nearly at the house now, “Giles, Olivia, Dawn, Willow; upstairs. Everyone else grab a weapon!”

Turning to look for weapons, Buffy and Faith searched while everyone else headed upstairs towards at least temporary safety. 

“Nothing out back!” Kennedy announced as she burst from the kitchen brandishing her baseball bat; it looked like the zombies were only coming from the direction of the road.

“Good now...” Buffy was interrupted by the sound of the front door being smashed open and female screams coming from the hallway.

“BUFFY!” Giles' voice came clearly over the sound of screaming and wood and glass being smashed to pieces.

“FOLLOW ME!” Buffy cried as she headed at high speed towards the front door.

Being the first to burst out into the hall, Buffy saw three zombies trying to force themselves through the remains of the front door all at the same time. These zombies might be faster than the norm, she told herself, but they were no brighter.

“Kennedy!” Buffy pointed at the zombie-jam.

With a yell, Kennedy charged at the zombies and laid into them with her baseball bat. Over the sound of skulls being smashed like ripe melons, Buffy heard more glass being broken.

“They're in the family room!” Faith called before heading off to confront the new threat. 

“Right behind you!” Buffy replied, she cast a look towards the non-slayers, “Upstairs, NOW!”

“Bossy, much,” Dawn and Olivia said in unison, anything else they might have said was lost to Buffy as she burst into the family room to see Faith fighting off no less than five zombies.

As she hurled herself into combat, Buffy noticed how the zombies attacked with a speed which was unusual in normal zombies. Picking up a chair, she used it to smash over a zombie's head and reduce its head to so much bloody mush. Faith had just finished ripping off another zombie's head (luckily there wasn't any gushing, spurting blood because the hearts of the zombies had stopped working) when she was attacked from behind by another overly active dead person.

Sensing the attack, Faith turned and chopped the zombie across the windpipe with the edge of her hand. This had been an instinctive move and against a human or even demonic attacker it would have collapsed their windpipe and sent then to the floor to choke to death. Against a zombie, however, it broke its neck making it fall to the floor like a sack of old bones. While this was going on, Buffy had grabbed a zombie by its shoulders and was slamming its neck against a large piece of broken glass which was still attached to the window frame.

Dark, red blood oozed from the deep cut in the zombie's throat as Buffy sawed it back and forth across the razor sharp edge of the glass. After only four or five cuts the Zombie's head dropped to the floor and rolled across the patio floor outside. Turning towards the fifth and final zombie in the room, Buffy and Faith started to rip it apart.

0=0=0=0

Out in the hall way, Kennedy was just putting the finishing touches to the three zombies jammed in the doorway when she sensed movement over to her right. Turning to face this new threat she was just in time to catch one zombie across the jaw with her bat. The zombie reeled away clutching at its ruined face, half its jaw had been broken off and was spinning across the floor as she raised her bat to finish off the damaged monster.

Just as she was about to cave in her attacker's skull, another zombie barrelled into her and tried to rip her throat out with its teeth. Just managing to catch the zombie under the chin with her bat she prevented the loathsome thing from sinking its teeth in her flesh. However, she couldn't do anything about the two zombies that had pushed passed her and were starting to climb the stairs.

“WILLOW!” Kennedy screamed a warning even at she started to twist the zombie's head clean off.

0=0=0=0

“Willow, get back!” Giles called as he threw a small table at the advancing zombies; it bounced off the lead zombie's chest and hardly seemed to slow it down at all.

“NO!” Willow cried as she pushed herself in front of Giles and raised her hand towards the zombies.

Willow was only a few weeks pregnant (having made a withdrawal from a sperm bank in Edinburgh), her baby was little more than a cluster of cells at the moment, but she still worried that the over use of magic might harm it. Particularly if the magic being used was dark magic, but then if she was turned into a zombie that wouldn't be very good for her child either. Pushing any worries about the negative effects of dark magic on unborn children to one side, she cast her spell and brought both zombie to a dead (or deader) halt. Making another gesture with her left hand she ducked as pieces of zombie head exploded into the air. The two zombie bodies collapsed onto the floor. Willow turned as she felt a hand touch her gently on the arm.

“Hey, Willow,” Olivia said quietly as she smiled with relief, “can you teach me some of this witchcraft stuff?”

“Sure,” Willow swallowed the big lump in her throat and nodded her head, “but not right now, okay?”

0=0=0=0

When no more zombies presented themselves for extermination, Buffy stepped back from the smashed in window and looked over at Faith.

“You okay?” Buffy wanted to know.

“Five by five, B,” Faith smiled in reply, “you?”

“I'm cool,” Buffy nodded all the while thinking it was ages since Faith had called her 'B', “Okay, can you keep watch here while I check on the others?”

“No problemo,” Faith pointed to the door to the hall, “go!”

Moving rapidly out into the hall, Buffy found Kennedy making sure that the five zombies on the floor were really dead and not play acting. Buffy winced at the sound Kennedy's bat made as she reduced the zombies heads to paste.

“Everything okay out here?” Buffy asked.

“Fine,” Kennedy stopped beating on the dead zombies, “I got these five and Willow got the two on the stairs.”

“Willow?” Buffy called up the stairs, “You okay up there?”

“Yeah,” Willow's voice drifted down to Buffy, she sounded fine so Buffy shrugged and called again, “How about everyone else?”

“Everyone's fine,” Giles' voice followed rapidly by the rest of Giles came down the stairs, “All clear?”

“Five in the family room,” Buffy counted up the dead-dead, “five out here and two on the stairs that makes twelve and that's all we saw, right?”

“So far,” Giles agreed just before he crouched down to look at one of Kennedy's victims more closely.

“Don't touch,” Buffy warned before turning to everyone else, “Hey, guys we better clean up make sure no ones got any zombie gunk on them.”

“Good idea,” Giles agreed, “and while we're at it we better get these bodies outside.”

“Me an' Kennie can do that,” Faith announced from the door to the family room; she looked over the devastation in the hall, “Told you this place wasn't worth trying to defend.”

0=0=0=0

As it happened, everyone helped with the clean up; when the bodies had been dumped outside and an effort had been made to mop up the worst of the blood and gore from the floor, everyone headed upstairs to shower and get changed. While everyone was doing their personal clean up and if Buffy was any judge; while Dawn and Faith, Willow and Kennedy were concerned doing something more than just showering together. The idea of her old watcher having sex in the shower with Olivia was still enough to make Buffy shiver with, if not disgust, something close to it, she tried not to think about it.

Watching out the broken window in case of any renewed zombie attack, Buffy once again found herself feeling lonely. When she went upstairs to shower and get changed there wouldn't be anyone there to make her feel better. No one would take her in her arms, kiss her and...well...maybe do more than kiss her. Finding herself thinking; when would it be her turn for the happy ever after? When would she be able to go home after a patrol and call, 'Honey I'm home' to someone?

“Oh come on Buffy,” Buffy told herself not very convincingly, “one day your prince...or princess will come.”

0=0=0=0

“Y'know,” Kennedy left off kissing Willow under the warm water in the shower for a moment, “sometimes I feel sorry for Buffy.”

“Hey!?” Willow pushed herself away from Kennedy in shock, “What are you and what have you done with the real Kennedy Scapone?”

“Oh stop messing about,” Kennedy grabbed hold of Willow's very desirable body and pulled her close again, “I don't hate her I just don't like her very much...but sometimes.” Kennedy sighed heavily as she felt Willow's water slick body pressed against her own. “Buffy doesn't get to do this with anyone...it might explain why she's so up tight all the time.”

“You're right,” Willow agreed as she laid her head against Kennedy's, “And I'm being a bad friend for not noticing...”

“Its because you are a friend that you didn't notice,” Kennedy explained.

“I mean, I never noticed Buffy drinking too much,” Willow started to descend into guilt and self doubt.

“Don't worry,” Kennedy knew all the signs when Willow started to doubt herself and she knew what to do about it, “when we get home I'll tie you up good and tight and give you an extra hard spanking.”

“You will!?” Willow asked excitedly, “Erm could I have something on account now?”

“No,” Kennedy replied sternly, “we're talking about Buffy now...Buffy now, spanking later, okay?”

“Okay,” Willow agreed reluctantly, “so what do we do for Buffy?”

“Find her a boyfriend...or girlfriend,” Kennedy frowned, “is Buffy gay or straight, I lose track?”

“Neither,” Willow replied as she rubbed her breasts against Kennedy's making their nipples get harder and harder, “I got so fed up with turning her gay and then straight again I turned her bi...”

“Cool idea,” Kennedy smiled as her hands slid over Willow's wet body, “right that's settled then, once we get home we find someone for Buffy...now lets give you all the attention you deserve...”

“Oooow,” Willow gasped as Kennedy cupped her breasts in her hands, “you know the more pregnant I get the bigger my boobs will grow?”

“I knew there was a reason why I wanted you to have a baby,” Kennedy sniggered as she moved in on Willow's lips and all conversation ceased.

0=0=0=0

After everyone had cleaned up and got into clothes that weren't covered in zombie gore, it was Buffy's turn to go upstairs and have a shower. After stripping off she stepped into the shower and started to run the soap over her body. Feeling her own nipples get hard at the touch of her soapy hands, Buffy thought 'what the hell?', rinsing off the soap suds she reached down and started to stroke her clitoris with one hand while squeezing her breasts with the other. 

Letting her mind drift she leaned back against the wall of the shower and sighed as all the tension of organising weddings and fighting off zombies left her body. Okay, dealing with things herself, wasn't as good as having a lover to do it for her; it wasn't even as good as a visit to Miss Tanya Hyde (strictest discipline enforced at all times), but it was better than nothing. Slipping a couple of fingers inside herself, Buffy was just beginning to bring herself to a climax when the water went suddenly cold.

“AAGH!” she screamed and jumped out of the shower, “WHAT'S GOING ON!?” she cried.

“Electricity's gone off,” Dawn's voice called from downstairs.

“Oh that's just great!” Buffy sulked as she reached for a towel, “I can't do anything without the world turning to crap!”

0=0=0=0


	6. Chapter 6

6.

**Somewhere in Zombie-world.**

“Why is everyone gay?” Olivia asked as she walked along the track next to Giles; they'd been walking for nearly an hour but had seen no one, at least no one alive.

“W-what?” Giles asked; he'd let his mind wander and hadn't really been paying very much attention to what Olivia had been talking about.

“Look,” Olivia kept her voice down, “apart from Buffy, you and I seem to be the only straight people here.” Olivia looked around to check that no one was listening in on their conversation, “I mean I've got nothing against gay people but there seems to be so many in this Slayer Organisation of yours.”

“Oh yes I see what you mean,” Giles looked down as he spoke and caught sight of his clothes; he was wearing a painfully bright Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts and sandals, they'd been the only things he'd found amongst the abandoned clothes at the house that fitted him.

“Well?” Olivia asked; in contrast to Giles, Olivia was wearing a simple, white, sun dress.

“Well...” Giles thought about Olivia's question, to be honest he'd not given it much thought: who the slayers saw and had relationships with was nothing to do with him as long as it didn't affect their slaying. “Well, I don't suppose the 'Everyone's Gay Now' spell helped...”

“True,” Olivia agreed, “but didn't Willow work out a...what do you call it? A counter spell to that?”

Although Olivia had seen magic in action, like most people, she still couldn't fully accept that it truly worked.

“Yes,” Giles nodded; looking down the track he saw what looked like a car with its nose buried in the road side ditch, “but it took her nearly a year to do it.”

Now Olivia had brought it to the forefront of his mind he did start to wonder why so many of the slayers were gay and why so many of them had elected to stay that way even after Willow had worked out the counter spell.

“I suppose,” Giles spoke slowly as he gathered his thoughts, “and this is purely guess work; it must be hard for a young woman to find a young man who's comfortable with the fact that his girlfriend is so physically superior to him and of course there's all the vampires, demons and monsters to deal with...that must put a strain on any relationship.”

“True,” Olivia agreed, she'd had her own 'issues' about all the weird stuff Giles dealt with on a daily basis; eventually she'd decided she could live with it but it had taken her some time...a couple years in fact.

“And Dawn and Faith aren't gay,” Giles pointed out.

“You could have fooled me,” Olivia turned her head to see the couple in question walking down the track behind them; they were holding hands and having a whispered conversation that was making them both snigger.

“No,” Giles shook his head, “they claim that they're not interested in other women and they're only attracted to each other.”

“Yeah, okay,” Olivia replied sceptically, “but they still go to bed together and have sex with each other.”

“I'm sure I wouldn't know,” Giles replied rather stiffly, “a gentleman doesn't ask those sorts of questions...now Willow and Kennedy are definitely gay, but again they only have eyes for each other.”

“I noticed,” Olivia smiled up at Giles as she walked closer to him and took hold of his hand in her own, “and you really are a 'gentleman' aren't you? In every sense of the word.”

“One does the best one can,” Giles replied and looked down at Olivia as he thought what a lucky man he'd been to have been able to reconnect with her after not seeing her for all that time.

Tearing his eyes away from the woman he loved, Giles noticed that the car he'd seen earlier was now only about a hundred yards off. He could now see that the doors were wide open and there didn't appear to be anyone around, still just because he couldn't see any danger didn't mean there was none.

“Buffy?” Giles called as he glanced over his shoulder back at the main group.

“Already on it,” Buffy called as she trotted towards the car a kitchen knife held loosely in her right hand.

“Is Buffy gay?” Olivia asked.

“I think it depends on which way the wind's blowing,” Giles replied with a shrug.

“Huh?”

“Almost every week or so Buffy has Willow change her sexuality,” Giles explained.

“She can do that?” Olivia asked, “Willow I mean?”

“Oh yes,” Giles came to a halt, Buffy was at the abandoned car now, “Willow is a most accomplished and powerful witch...she can do most anything that she sets her mind to. Luckily for all concerned she doesn't.”

0=0=0=0

Standing next to the car, Buffy concentrated on her 'spider sense' for a moment, it told her nothing. As far as her five other senses where telling her, apart from the rest of the group she was alone. Looking into the car she saw signs of a hasty getaway. A couple of hastily packed suitcases lay in the back of the station wagon, some bottles of water lay on the back seat and there was blood on the steering wheel. This was probably from where the driver had hit his or her forehead when the car had crashed. The car was too old for air bags.

Standing up again, Buffy looked at how the vehicle was positioned. The ditch it was stuck in wasn't that deep, three slayers would have no problem pushing the car back up onto the road. Climbing back into the car Buffy checked to see if the keys were still in the ignition, they weren't.

“Faith!” Buffy called once she was standing on track again, “we could use your wicked 'grand theft auto' skills to get this thing running again.”

“Sure,” Faith dropped down into the ditch and made her way over to the car, “I'll do what I can.”

Standing in a group on the road everyone watched as Faith hot wired the car. For a moment it sounded like the engine would start but it soon faded and Faith climbed out of the car and came to stand in front of everyone.

“Sorry guys,” Faith shrugged, “I think the battery's dead.”

“Never mind Faithie,” Dawn walked over to her partner and took hold of her hand, “Walking's good for you.”

“In this heat?” Giles said tiredly, “I'd beg to differ.”

“Poor Giles,” Buffy smiled as they all turned to trudge off down the road again, “too hot for you?”

“Well after nearly four years of living in Northern England I have to admit I'm missing the cooler temperatures.”

“And the almost constant rain,” Buffy added.

“And the gale force winds,” Dawn called out.

“Yeah and the fog,” Willow added, “do y'know how difficult it is to fly your broomstick in ten-tenths fog?” Noticing the look Olivia was giving her, Willow smiled and added, “Just messin' with ya! I don't fly a broomstick...if I need to go anywhere in a hurry I just teleport myself.”

“Stop that,” Kennedy whispered as she dug her elbow into Willow's ribs, “you're frightening the normal person.”

“Sorry,” Willow rubbed the spot where her girlfriend's elbow had just been, “but I'm bored and my feet hurt.”

“Your own fault,” Kennedy pointed out, “I'm betting you could have magicked that car into working.”

“I could have,” Willow admitted, “but 'reasonable magic' remember?” she was cutting right back on her magic use for fear of how it might affect her unborn child. “If there's a mundane way of doing something I've gotta try that first.”

“But there wasn't a 'mundane' way of getting that car started,” Kennedy pointed out thinking she'd found a hole in Willow's argument.

“But there is to getting where we're going,” Willow replied with a smirk, her sore feet forgotten for the moment, “so walking sorta trumps magicking the car to start.”

“I'm going to give you such a spanking when we get home, Willow Rosenberg, just you see if I don't!” Kennedy muttered just loudly enough for Willow to hear.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I do these things so you _will_ spank me?” Willow asked with an impish grin.

“Don't get smart with me, Missy,” Kennedy smirked back, “or it'll be more than a spanking you'll get.”

“Promises, promises,” Willow sniggered.

0=0=0=0

“Buildings ahead!” Buffy called.

Sure enough a few hundred yards further down the track was a group of two or three white painted wooden buildings, one of which looked like a church. There also appeared to be a crowd of people standing outside the church-like structure.

“Perhaps its Sunday,” Dawn observed quietly.

“And looky there,” Faith pointed, “that looks like our lift.” Parked on the side of the track were several pick-up trucks and cars, “I bet I can get one of those to move.”

“You can't just go over there and steal a car,” Giles pointed out.

“Who says she can't?” Olivia pointed out, “I've had enough walking for one day,” she turned from Giles to look at Faith, “You go on, girl and get us one with comfortable seats.”

“Don't think its going to be an issue,” Buffy called as she held up her hand to bring everyone to a halt, “anyone notice anything odd about those people?”

“Now that you mention it...” Giles began but was interrupted by Dawn.

“They're zombies aren't they?”

“They do appear to be unnaturally still and quiet,” Giles confirmed.

“Just like the ones outside the house,” Buffy reminded everyone.

“Just before they attacked,” Kennedy brought her baseball bat up ready for action.

“Hey,” Faith turned and grinned at everyone, “we can take them,” she turned back to the crowd of suspected zombies and did a quick head count, “there's only twenty or thirty of them that's hardly even ten each!”

“Yeah,” agreed Kennedy, “we can take them.”

“Hey!” Buffy called, “What's with the sudden blood lust, much!”

“Well, transport would make things easier,” Giles pointed out, “and I'm sure Willow could deal with any zombies you miss...responsible magic not-with-standing.”

“I've got nothing against zapping a few zombies that might get by our slayers, Giles,” Willow said with a grin.

“Looks like ya been out voted,” Faith smirked at Buffy.

“I don't recall asking for a vote,” Buffy pointed out, “Okay, so if we're going to do this lets sneak as much as we can before we start fighting.”

“Whatever,” Kennedy shrugged.

“Fine by me,” Faith added.

“Yeah right,” Buffy sighed heavily, “and all I ever wanted to do was...” Buffy stopped and thought; what had she ever wanted to do instead of slaying?

It was then she realised that she had no idea what she'd have done with her life if she hadn't been 'chosen'. The slayer thing had come along before she'd even had a chance to think seriously about a career that didn't involve ramming pieces of wood into the chest's of vampires.

“Whatever,” Buffy shrugged resignedly as she adjusted her grip on her kitchen knife, “Okay guys lets go.”

0=0=0=0

Moving swiftly and silently along the side of the track, Buffy watched the people outside the church for any sign that they'd been noticed. Faith had been right, there were almost thirty of them. Even thirty, admittedly high-speed zombies wasn't much of a challenge to three slayers in the open. The trick would be to disable as many zombies as you could before killing them. A downed zombie without any arms or legs was easier to kill than one that still had all its bits and pieces.

They were now at the first of the cars, an old pick-up truck, even as Faith carefully opened the driver's door the zombies gave no sign of having noticed the slayer interlopers. While Faith was checking the pick-up for keys, Buffy took the opportunity to study the zombies, this was the first chance she'd had to have a good look at one that wasn't trying to eat her brains. Unlike the zombies who'd attacked the house these ones showed no sign of injury. There were no bite marks or other injuries to explain how they'd become infected.

Like Dawn had suggested, maybe it was Sunday and all these people had gone to church and then...and then...just stopped? What she was seeing didn't make much sense, normally (at least in all the films she'd seen; zombie-ism wasn't that much of a problem in the real world) zombies sort of wandered around. These looked as if they had been frozen in mid-step or something, it was almost like looking at a photograph but in 3D and actually being _in_ the photograph. The thought suddenly struck Buffy that these weren't real Zombies, that they were something else, she frowned as she asked herself the sixty-four-thousand-dollar-question; if not zombies then what? These and any other questions had to be put on the back burner of Buffy's mind when Faith knocked something over which made a terribly loud noise as it hit the ground.

“Fuck!” Faith cursed as the zombies became suddenly alert.

Lifting their heads the zombies looked around and locked on the three normal people who were standing close by. In an instant the zombies recognised the slayers as non-zombies and then with a collective snarl they charged at the trespassers. In what felt like only seconds, Buffy found herself beset by five zombies who were all intent on ripping her apart and eating the bits left behind. Forgetting any plans she might have had about disabling the zombies before killing them, Buffy plied her knife cutting off heads and limbs left and right.

Over by the pick-up, Faith used a crow bar she'd found on the front seat to smash the skulls of the zombies that came at her. Although these zombies were fast they were no brighter than any other zombie she'd ever heard about. They just kept coming; they didn't try to fight or defend themselves they just bored on in in their attempts to bit her on the butt. This was fine by her because it made it easier for her to simply shatter their skulls as they came at her; this wasn't a fight this was exercise.

Swinging her baseball bat at head height, Kennedy would catch three or four zombies with each swing. Knocked to the ground or seriously stunned the zombies made easy targets for her to dispatch with a blow to the head before the next wave of undead arrived. Normally Kennedy was unconcerned by the things she had to kill, monster or human they were all the same to her (she even recognised that it _should_ concern her, but she didn't let it bother her too much) but there was something about these zombies. They sort of looked like 'innocents'...apart from the way they tried to sink their teeth into her. Pushing these thoughts to one side for now, she swung her bat again and put down another three zombies before smashing in their skulls. All too soon, or not soon enough (depending on your outlook) no more zombies came to challenge the slayers. While Faith and Kennedy dispatched the few remaining wounded zombies, Buffy waved the non-slayer part of the group forwards.

“Okay guys,” Buffy called as the others got closer, “lets get outta here!”

0=0=0=0


	7. Chapter 7

7.

**Alternative North Carolina.**

_Little Zombies, on the hillside, little zombies made of ticky-tacky,_ sang everyone who's name wasn't Rupert Giles, “ _Little zombies, little zombies, little zombies all the same. There's a green one an' a green one, a green one and a green one and they're all made out of ticky-tacky and they all 'Uuuugh' just the same._ ”

After exterminating the zombie menace at the un-named hamlet, Team-slayer discovered the little church had its very own twelve seater minibus. The keys were even in the ignition and there were maps in the pocket of the driver's door and fuel in the tank. After only a few minutes spent arguing over who was going to drive, Giles eventually got his way, while the three slayers sat in the back and sulked because no one would let them drive.

“We should start one of those glee club things when we get home,” Olivia suggested; since they'd found the minibus and were not being attacked by zombies and she'd begun to sound a lot more relaxed.

“You really don't want to encourage my sister to sing,” Dawn called out, “talk about off key.”

“I am not off key!” Buffy defended her singing ability, “It's a 'modal' tune.”

“Huh?” the word came from several mouths; everyone looked to Giles for an explanation.

“It means...” Giles sighed as he realised that his audience probably wouldn't understand his explanation, “...it means she deliberately sings off key or hits a wrong note.”

“That sounds like a pretty lame excuse to me,” Willow observed.

“I feel sorry for your kid,” Dawn continued.

“Why's that?” Kennedy spoke up before Willow could say or do anything to defend herself.

“Well come on,” Dawn paused as she looked from Willow to Kennedy, “have you heard her?”

“Erm, Dawnie,” Faith shook Dawn's shoulder, “don't annoy the slayer or her mega powerful witch girlfriend.”

“What? Now I can't say anything about the way Willow sings...badly?” Dawn turned on Faith.

“Hey you're not the greatest singer either, Dawn,” Buffy interjected as she tried to head off the cat fight that was rapidly developing in the back of the bus.

“I say we let them duke it out,” Faith announced suddenly taking Buffy's side.

“See what I have to put up with?” Giles asked Olivia quietly.

“Are they always like this?” Olivia turned in her seat next to Giles to get a better view of the warring women.

“Well...yes,” Giles admitted, “Of course you have the usual sibling rivalry between Dawn and Buffy. Then you have the slayer rivalry every time two or more slayers are in close proximity and finally you have Willow.”

“Okay,” Olivia grinned at Giles, “what's wrong with Willow?”

“Well, she might look and sound timid and butter wouldn't melt in her mouth...”

“You mean she's cold?” Olivia frowned.

“I wouldn't say cold...” Giles looked for the right words and thought he'd found them as the singing argument got louder by the second, “...its just that sometimes she can be _very_ determined.”

“Don't worry sweetheart,” a grim look had come to Olivia's face, “I'll deal with this...” turning back to face the unruly bunch in the back of the bus Olivia took a deep breath, “GIRLS!” she shouted as she clapped her hands together immediately getting everyone's attention. “Enough! Now sit down and be quiet, play eye-spy or something, but no more singing, okay?”

There was a lot of ill tempered mutterings and at least one 'Yes Mrs Giles' as the slayers and their girlfriends settled down in the back of the bus.

“How'd you do that?” Giles glanced at his wife-to-be his respect for her growing by the moment.

“It's all in the tone of voice,” Olivia explained, “I learnt it off my mother.”

“Oh jolly good,” Giles smiled as he looked out along the road they were driving down, “you can come and help me keep order at the next Slayer Organisation Board meeting.”

“I spy with my little eye...” Dawn's voice broke the silence that had fallen over the back of the bus, “something beginning with 'zee'.”

“Erm...” Buffy looked around and saw what Dawn had spotted, “...ZOMBIES!”

A moment later a zombie sprinted out from behind an abandoned car and charged at the minibus.

“Erm, Giles!” Buffy called, “FASTER!”

Just as Giles put his foot down on the accelerator the zombie hit the bus with a resounding 'CLANG!' before bouncing off and falling into the road. Undeterred the zombie got back to its feet and chased off after the bus as Giles slowly built up speed.

“Its still after us man!” Faith called as she watched the zombie keep pace with the bus.

“HOLD ON!” Giles called as he slammed on the breaks.

The bus came to a sudden halt, a moment later the zombie ran into the back of the bus at full speed cracking open its skull. Leaving a tail of blood and bits of hair and skull and possibly a few bits of brain on the rear door window, the zombie slowly collapsed to the ground. Once again putting his foot down, Giles drove them off down the road.

“Coool,” Faith announced with a grin as she watched the zombie jerk spasmodically on the road behind them.

“Erm, Olivia,” Giles said as he clutched the steering wheel with a grip of steel, “look at the map and tell me if there's a town close by...the rest of you stop squabbling and look out for more zombies.”

“There's a fair sized looking town about five miles along this road, Rupert,” Olivia announced after studying the map for a moment.

“How big?” Giles wanted to know.

“Big enough,” Olivia replied with a shrug.

“Big enough to have shops where we can get supplies?” Giles increased speed now that he had a target to aim for.

“Probably,” Olivia nodded her head, “but I'm no expert on American towns.”

“It'll have to do,” Giles explained as he steered the bus around a three car pile up on the side of the road; there was another loud 'CLANG!' as a zombie barrelled into the side of the bus.

0=0=0=0

**The Town.**

'Springfield, North Carolina' the sign said in large friendly letters, 'Population 6839'. To Giles that meant that Springfield was a large village or very small town, he hoped they'd be able to find what they needed to get home here. Bringing the bus to a smooth halt next to the sign he switched off the engine before turning to look at his passengers.

“Listen everyone,” he waited until he had everyone's attention, “we can't go on like this...”

“We'll be good, please don't throw us off the bus and make us walk,” Willow called from the back of the bus, “we won't make anymore noise or fight or...”

“That's not what I meant, Willow;” Giles explained, “although the peace and quiet of the last few miles was relaxing.” He took a deep breath, “No, what I mean is we can't go on like this for much longer, we've got to get home.” Giles sighed and shook his head, “Has anyone considered that a population of more than six-thousand probably means there's six-thousand zombies in this town?”

“Wow,” Faith breathed, “never thought of it like that,” she turned to look at her sister slayers, “that's about two-thousand each...”

“Easy,” Buffy joked, “we can take 'em!”

“Joking aside, we need to get out of here, but first we need to get into town for supplies,” now Giles had voiced the unpalatable truth the slayers, witches and ambulance drivers in the back of the bus had sobered. “Willow,” Giles moved his eyes to their magic practitioner, “do you really need a magic shop to get the ingredients for you spell?”

“Erm...” Willow thought about this for a moment or two, “...well, I really only need some herbs and some stuff I might be able to get from a drug store.”

“Good,” Giles nodded, “you and Kennedy deal with that...”

“Weapons Giles,” Buffy spoke up as she lifted her carving knife for all to see, “we need better weapons, guns...shotguns would be best I think.”

The Slayer Organisation had recently moved into the twenty-fist century and started to use firearms. Buffy didn't like it, she didn't like guns, but she'd grown more pragmatic over the years and had reluctantly bowed to to evidence. Guns worked and saved the lives of her slayers, they were a tool and a useful tool at that.

“So where...” Giles was just about to ask where they could get firearms from, but Faith interrupted him.

“Sporting goods store or a proper gun store,” Faith explained, “a place like this is bound to have something like that.”

“Or a sheriff's office,” Buffy added, “and maybe we should find something more fighty to wear,” she gestured to the shorts and halter top she was wearing.

“Buffy, do you ever think of anything other than what you're going to wear?” Giles wanted to know.

“I thought of the sheriff's office,” Buffy cried defensively.

“I was joking,” Giles smiled.

“Oh,” Buffy shrugged.

“Weapons first then,” Giles suggested, “unless anyone has a better idea?”

“Erm, Giles,” Dawn spoke up from the back of the bus, “the sound of the bus attracts the zombies and we're going to go into a place that's probably full of zombies...you get my point?”

“Oh, yes,” Giles looked out of the windscreen and noticed about half a dozen zombies just standing around...waiting, “I'd not thought of that.”

“Maybe if you try to drive slowly and quietly,” Olivia, who had no wish to make herself a meal for a zombie suggested.

“I'm with Olivia on that one,” Dawn agreed.

“Yeah, us non-slayer types can't move as fast as some,” Willow pointed out.

“To be honest, Will,” Buffy reached out and squeezed her best friend's hand, “I'm totally not keen to get out of this bus if I don't have to.”

“Hey Willow,” Olivia called from the front seat, “couldn't you zap us with a spell so the zombies can't hear us?”

“A bus quieting spell?” Willow mused, “I've never heard of one but I might be able to cast a zombie confusion spell so if they hear or see us they won't attack us.”

“Responsible magic?” Kennedy reminded her girlfriend.

“Oh screw 'responsible magic',” Willow huffed, “zombies here! This is totally life and death stuff Kennie, I'm gonna have to start zapping stuff and junior,” Willow rubbed her tummy, “is just gonna have to duck and cover!”

“Just wanted to hear you say it sweetheart,” Kennedy replied soberly.

“And I must say its nice to have our mega-witch...oh I do hate that term...back on side,” Giles said calmly.

“Okay,” Buffy spoke up; it was time to get everyone focused, “Willow, spell. Giles drive, the rest of you look out for guns.”

0=0=0=0

As it turned out, Willow did get a spell to work on zombies. Just as half a dozen zombies launched themselves like missiles at the bus, Willow cast her spell and the zombies lost all interest in the bus. Instead they started to tear each other apart.

“That should hold them for a while,” Willow said uncertainly, “but the more zombies there are the less effective the spell will be...”

“We'll start to get leakers?” Faith wanted to know.

“Yeah,” Willow nodded, “look I'm so scared I'm nearly peeing myself now!”

“I don't think that's what Faith meant,” Kennedy pointed out.

“Look guys!” Dawn called as she pointed out the window, “Supermarket!”

“Yeah but does it sell guns?” Buffy muttered.

“Guns in supermarkets,” Giles and Olivia shared a 'look', “Mind-you I'm not really complaining if it helps us get out of this mess.”

“Right,” Buffy called, “Faith and I'll go into the market and see what they've got on sale...”

“Y'know, any five finger discounts,” Faith clarified.

“If we find anything useful we'll come back for you,” Buffy started to move towards the rear door, “Kennedy, Willow you protect people here.”

“Right on,” Willow raised a hand to salute Buffy.

“Got it, Ma'am,” Kennedy added with a grin.

“Why do people disrespect me?” Buffy sighed, “The sooner I send the pair of you on your SAS survival course the better...then we'll see how you like people calling you ma'am and saluting you all the time.”

“I could learn to live with it,” Kennedy observed.

“Me too,” Faith agreed.

“Whatever,” again Buffy sighed as she laid her hand on the rear door's handle, “come on Faith, lets go.”

Looking out the back window checking for zombies, Buffy saw none close by. There were a few about a hundred yards down the main street but other wise it looked clear. Turning the door handle as quietly as she could, Buffy pushed on the door hoping all the time that it wouldn't squeak. Opening it just wide enough for Faith and herself to squeeze through, Buffy stepped down onto the street.

Looking around as she waited for Faith to climb out of the bus and close the door behind her, Buffy was surprised at how normal everything looked. Whatever had happened had happened too quickly for there to have been any fighting between infected and uninfected people. The feeling that the zombies weren't 'real' zombies came to Buffy's mind again, she had the strangest of feelings that this was not a supernatural event, this felt man made to her.

“Hey?” Faith said quietly from her side, “See something?”

“No,” Buffy shook her head, “just thinking how quiet it is and how normal everything looks...”

“Apart from the occasional dead body and walking corpse,” Faith pointed out.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, “Faith...”

“What?”

“Do you get the feeling that these zombies aren't actually, totally dead?”

“Would explain why they move so freakin' fast,” Faith agreed.

“So, what made them all zombie-like?” Buffy asked.

“Screwed if I know,” Faith shrugged under her denim jacket.

Just for a moment Buffy looked at Faith and wondered how she was the only one of them to have found jeans, a denim jacket, boots and a t-shirt that didn't have a stupid design on the front. While everyone else was wearing brightly coloured clothes that were totally out of place on a zombie hunt, Faith looked no different than she normally did. Pushing these thoughts to the back of her mind, Buffy started to move towards the market.

“Come on,” Buffy said as she walked towards the door, “we haven't got all day.”

“No ma'am,” Faith saluted.

“Stop that will you?” Buffy turned to look at Faith and nearly tripped over the body that was preventing the store's automatic doors from closing properly.

The doors opened and closed prevented from closing all the way by the body, Buffy knelt to see how the body had been killed.

“Shot through the back of the head,” she announced before heaving the corpse out of the way; the doors closed and stayed closed until Faith broke the beam and the doors opened again.

“Lets be careful, huh?” Faith stepped through the doors and into the store, “could be there's someone with an itchy trigger finger around.”

“Don't think we need worry,” Buffy pointed to the security guard on the floor, his throat had been ripped out and his pistol lay close to his dead hand.

Bending Faith picked up the guard's pistol before unbuckling his belt and pulling it off him. Finding she was too slim for the gun belt to fit around her waist, Faith put it on over her shoulder before reloading the pistol.

“How many bullets you got there sheriff?” Buffy asked.

“Only two full clips and what's in the gun,” Faith replied.

“Magazines,” Buffy corrected.

“Huh?”

“This 'clip' thing is a Hollywood and TV thing,” Buffy explained, “the correct term is 'magazine'.”

“Okay, military knowledge girl,” Faith shrugged, “but I've still only got two of 'em.”

“Come on,” Buffy led the way deeper into the store, “lets go find some more.”

0=0=0=0


	8. Chapter 8

8.

**Alternative Springfield, North Carolina.**

Sitting in the back of the minibus, Willow watched as Buffy and Faith moved the body that was stopping the door of the market from closing and disappeared inside. With nothing more to see she turned her gaze outward to where the zombies stood about fifty yards further down the street. So far her 'confuse a zombie' spell seemed to be working as the zombies appeared to be taking no interest what-so-ever in the bus full of yummy brains just down the street from them.

Inside the bus, Giles and Olivia were talking quietly in the front seat, Dawn was taking a nap (how anyone could take a nap at a time like this, was beyond Willow) and Kennedy was watching out the window in case any of the zombies ignored Willow's spell and decided to attack. Left with no one to talk to, Willow started to think about the pros and cons of sending Amy 'away'. But what else could she have done? Amy had stolen Vi's body and put Vi into her own body before sending it off to an alternate reality. It was only after they'd got the real Vi back that they'd found out that Amy had sent her to a 'Zombie Apocalypse'.

So, of course when Willow had swapped everyone around so that the right consciousness' were in the right bodies, Amy had ended up in a reality that had loads of zombies in it. This thought sidetracked Willow from her examination of her past actions for a moment; zombies did appear to be a recurring theme in alternate realities, but not in her own. Zombies simply weren't that much of a menace in her home reality.

Whatever, back to Amy, the witch must have been alright because she'd been gone for two or three years and didn't appear to have had her brains eaten. Willow sighed heavily, what had been wrong with Amy in the first place? Why had she come after the Slayer Organisation to begin with? It wasn't as if anyone was after her, in fact, if truth be told, they'd all rather forgotten about her. Perhaps when they all got home she'd sit Amy down for a long talk, which could possibly included some thumbscrews, and ask her what the hell she was doing? Glancing around Willow saw that things hadn't changed much outside the bus, looking over at the zombies she did notice that there were a few more of them standing around. But she was sure that wasn't important just now, her spell seemed to be holding up quite well.

0=0=0=0

“Where do you think the gun counter is?” Buffy whispered as she and Faith crept down the cereal aisle and towards 'fresh produce'.

“Have ya seen a sign for the hardware section?” Faith replied as she covered the aisle with her newly acquired pistol.

The supermarket appeared to be deserted by both people and zombies. Apart from the dead guard and zombie by the door they'd found no more bodies. The lights were still on and they could hear the refrigerators humming merrily to themselves as they sneaked between the shelves of corn flakes and frosted sugar coated cardboard. Here and there were signs of a hasty departure. A crushed box of breakfast cereal here, an abandoned shopping cart there, but no bodies and no zombies seeing if there were any tasty brains on special offer. Being short, moving between the high aisles felt like she was walking along a deep ravine to Buffy, but then she noticed that Faith wasn't that much taller than she was...in fact Faith was shorter than Dawn and how come Dawn got to be so tall anyway?

“That's it, the monks musta screwed up,” Buffy muttered.

“What?” Faith stopped and looked around at Buffy in confusion.

“Sorry,” Buffy started to explain, “I was just wondering how come Dawn got to be so much taller than me...I decided that it must have been the monk's fault.”

“Yeah, right,” Faith gave Buffy a slightly bemused look, “B,” she sighed, “you're weird, now focus.”

“Yeah focus,” Buffy nodded her head in agreement; as she looked up she caught a glimpse of a sign further down the aisle. “Ow-ow!” Buffy jumped up and down as she pointed excitedly, “Gun counter! Gun counter!”

Turning to see what Buffy was pointing at, Faith saw the sign and then looked back at Buffy, “Weird,” she repeated.

0=0=0=0

“I'm such an idiot!” Willow announced to everyone.

“No you're not honey,” Kennedy replied instantly.

“I think you're being a little hard on yourself, Willow,” Giles observed.

“No Rupert,” Olivia rested her hand on Giles' arm, “I think if Willow wants to call herself an idiot I think you should let her.”

“W-what?” Dawn woke up from her nap and looked around sleepily.

“But I am,” Willow insisted, “I'm a fool I should have realised that we're perfectly safe now.”

“We are?” Giles and Olivia chorused hopefully.

“Oh don't beat yourself up sweetie,” Kennedy cooed, “that's my job...at least the _beating_ part is.”

“Huh?” Dawn groaned as she wondered why she'd been woken up.

“No!” Willow shook her head, “You see its the moon, we're perfectly safe now...”

“Erm, Willow,” Giles called from the front seat of the bus, “zombies aren't generally controlled by the moon that's werewolves, you should know that.”

“I can't believe I'm having a discussion that has werewolves and zombies in it,” Olivia informed everybody.

“No!” Willow shook her head again, “No, what I mean is that after Ming's attack all those nasty insect things that Kennie and me found and those evil-alien-space-frog things that all lived in the moon, must be dead now.”

“Evil-alien-space-frogs?” Olivia looked at Giles as she wondered whether she really wanted to know what Willow was talking about.

“Of course,” Giles smiled as he realised what Willow was talking about, “when Ming moved the moon out of orbit it probably killed everything living inside it.”

“The gravitational forces must have been tremendous,” Kennedy observed, “and those tunnels looked like they were about to fall down anyway.” At this point she noticed the odd looks everyone was giving her, “Hey!” she crossed her arms defensively under her breasts, “I can be knowledge girl too y'know.”

“She sounded just like Cordelia there for a moment,” Willow looked at her girlfriend closely for a moment to make sure she hadn't actually turned into Cordelia.

“Didn't Buffy say that Cordy had taken up hooking and runs a strip joint in LA now?” Dawn asked

“Yeah, looks like the rumours about her in high school were true,” Willow observed.

“Me-ow!” Kennedy giggled, “Saucer of milk for my friend here waiter...no, just bring the cow!”

“Hey guys,” noticing movement, Dawn glanced outside the bus, “There seems to be a hell of a lot of zombies out there!”

Turning to look out of the windows, the passengers noticed that the number of zombies in the area had increased dramatically and they were also a lot closer than they had been.

“Quiet everyone,” Giles whispered loudly, “they must have heard us.”

“What about Willow's spell?” Olivia wanted to know.

“Yeah what about your spell?” Dawn said a little accusingly.

“Still up and running,” Willow called back softly as the zombies shuffled closer and closer to the bus.

0=0=0=0

“Eyes!” Faith warned as she used her pistol to smash the glass gun case so they could get to the shotguns it contained.

Looking away, Buffy closed her eyes and listened to the sound of smashing glass before going back to pulling the lock off the ammunition safe behind the counter.

“Cool,” Faith smiled as she examined a long barrelled, pump action shotgun she'd just got from the gun case.

“Bit long isn't it?” Buffy asked as she grabbed boxes of shotgun cartridges and put them on the floor next to her, “we'll just take the twelve gauge stuff right?”

“Yeah, its sorta standard so we should be able to pick up shells for them just about anywhere.”

“I hope we're not here that long,” Buffy stood up and emptied a box load of shells onto the counter before starting to help Faith load the shotguns, “are these the only ones you could find?”

“Yeah,” Faith nodded as she thumbed cartridges into her weapon, “Did ya see any nine-mill while you were down there?”

“No,” Buffy shook her head as she thumbed home the last round, “only some two-two and some thirty-thirty rifle stuff.”

“So ya into guns now?” Faith asked as she started to put boxes of spare shells into a backpack she'd found.

“I've been reading up on them,” Buffy admitted, “ever since we decided to start using firearms...I still don't like them much.”

“Hey, B,” Faith paused in her work, “they're just tools.”

“I know,” Buffy agreed, “and if using a gun saves the life of just one slayer I'm okay with it, but...I'll never like them.”

Before Faith could say anything more the sound of the bus's horn split the air.

“What the fuck?” Faith cried as she jacked a round into the breach of her weapon.

“There must be trouble,” Buffy started to stuff spare shells into the pockets of her shorts, “Giles wouldn't hoot like that otherwise. Come on!” Buffy started to head for the front of the market while Faith emptied a box of shells into the pockets of her denim jacket.

Running down the dairy produce aisle, Buffy saw a zombie lurch around the corner in front of her, somehow the things must have found their way into the store.

'BOOM!' Buffy triggered the shotgun and blew the zombie's head clean off before it had a chance to attack her. Jumping over the festering corpse, she turned towards the check out only to find half a dozen zombies coming at her.

“Looks like we're gonna have to pay after all,” Faith laughed as she came to a halt next to Buffy.

Firing steadily they took the heads off the zombies as they rushed at the two slayers. 

“Cool,” Buffy said as she quickly reloaded.

“Makes ya think don't it?” Faith slipped spare cartridges into her own gun.

“What's that?” reloaded now Buffy started to head for the smashed plate glass where the zombies had got in.

“I was thinkin', just how dangerous a slayer is!”

“You've only just worked that out?” Buffy asked as she looked out through the broken window.

Outside she could see an entire horde of zombies congregated around the minibus, they were rocking it from side to side. Any minute now the zombies would succeed in getting the bus over onto its side, then they'd be able to get at all the tasty brains inside.

“What happened to Red's spell,” Faith demanded as she joined Buffy by the window.

“Don't know,” Buffy replied, “you go right, I'll go left and remember not to shoot directly at the bus.”

“Ma'am, yes, ma'am!” Faith cried as she sketched a salute before leaping through the hole in the window.

“Everyone's a joker,” Buffy sighed heavily before following Faith out into the open.

Going left, Buffy got into a position where she could fire at the zombies with little fear that a stray piece of shot would hit the bus. Before she'd even started to fire she heard Faith's gun going off, a second later she joined in. It was only after she'd blown the head off the third zombie that Buffy realised what Faith had meant; she was hitting her targets without consciously aiming at them. One shot, one dead zombie its head splattered to the four winds. It was almost like it was someone else firing the shotgun.

Of course she'd used a rifle before. When they'd all gone to rescue Dawn from those cultists, Faith, Kennedy and herself had calmly shot them down with AK47's. But then she'd not seen their faces, on the beach they'd been about a hundred yards away from the cultists in their foxholes and she'd not really thought how easy she found it to shot them down. Later it had come down to bayonet work, but that was like using a sword, the only difference was her targets were humans not demons. But it hadn't bothered her, they'd kidnapped her sister and they were going to sacrifice her to their goddess. Almost without noticing she'd fired off all the shells in her gun, Buffy found herself moving in on the zombies and beating their brains out with the butt of her shotgun.

“OUT! OUT! EVERYBODY OUT!” Faith called from her side of the bus.

Buffy heard the door of the bus being opened and realised what Faith must be doing. There were too many zombies, far too many to shoot all in one go and more were arriving by the second.

“MOVE!” Buffy shouted as she backed around to Faith's side of the bus, “INTO THE STORE!”

Kennedy was last out of the bus and Faith passed her the security guard's pistol and the spare magazines.

“Look out for everyone, Kennie,” Faith pushed Kennedy after the others as they disappeared into the store; Faith looked over at Buffy as she thumbed home more spare shells, “You okay B?”

“FIVE BY FIVE!” Buffy yelled back as she decapitated a zombie that was charging at her intent on eating her brains.

“HA!” Faith laughed; she shot down another zombie as it came around the front of the bus, “LETS GET OUTTA HERE!”

Backing towards the hole in the window, Buffy and Faith sent a blizzard of shot towards the charging zombies. Unfortunately the zombies didn't care about loses they just kept coming.

“INSIDE!” Faith yelled as she jacked yet another round into the breach of her weapon.

Dodging through the hole in the window, Buffy saw Kennedy fire twice and put down two zombies. Each creature having a neat 9mm hole in their forehead.

“KENNIE!” Buffy yelled, “STOP ENJOYING YOURSELF AND GET EVERYONE OUT THE BACK!”

Turning back to the hole in the window, Buffy was just in time to brain the zombie that was trying to follow Faith into the store. The zombie slumped down onto a shard of broken glass, effectively blocking the hole for a while. Picking up the back pack with its boxes of spare shells Buffy swung it onto her back.

“I've sent everyone to the back of the store,” Buffy explained, “we better get moving before our friends here work out how to open the door.

“Got it,” Faith nodded before they started down one of the aisles toward the rear of the store.

As they moved they reloaded and Buffy couldn't help but wish that the shotguns had a bigger magazine capacity. Her wishes for more bullets between reloading were interrupted by the sound of three quick pistol shots coming from the back of the store. Coming out into the frozen meat aisle at the back of the store, the two slayers saw no one and no zombies. The shots had sounded as if they'd come from an open double door at the end of the aisle. Running past joints of beef and through the doorway, Buffy and Faith found themselves in a store room. Three shot zombies lay on the floor near a large puddle of putrid flesh and bones that had once been zombies. Buffy looked from the zombies to Kennedy.

“Not me,” Kennedy jerked her head towards Willow.

“I panicked,” Willow admitted.

0=0=0=0


	9. Chapter 9

9.

“Did you see what she just did?” Olivia asked Giles in a hoarse whisper.

“Erm, yes I did,” Giles replied with as much aplomb as he could muster; Willow had just caused three or four zombies to simply explode...it'd been quite spectacular.

“She just squished them!” Olivia explained, “I really need her to show me how to do that.”

“I really don't think you should,” Giles replied hesitantly, normally he didn't try to tell Olivia what she could or couldn't do, but this time he thought he should make an exception.

“Close the door!” Buffy's voice intruded into his thoughts as she and Faith burst onto the scene. “Kennedy try and get the back door open, everyone else keep quiet.”

“Why?” Olivia asked keeping her voice down.

“We have an interesting situation here,” Giles explained in hushed tones, “the zombies are attracted by noise, so the more that we shoot them the more that come to get shot. While I've every confidence in Buffy, Faith and Kennedy's abilities we're likely to run out of bullets before we run out of zombies.”

“That would be bad,” Olivia pointed out.

“I'm glad to see you're keeping the right perspective on the situation,” Giles smiled, “nothing is going to be settled by unnecessary panic.” He turned from Olivia and sort out Willow, “Willow, is there something you can do to stop these zombies? I've no wish to be killed on my wedding day.”

“I'm not sure,” Willow replied uncertainly.

“Come on Willow,” Giles and Olivia walked over to stand in front of Willow, “I mean Amy must have done something to keep herself alive...”

“And you might have noticed how _sane_ she looked just before she banished us to this reality,” Willow pointed out.

“Erm yes, I see your point,” Giles agreed.

“You see those sorts of spells,” Willow began to explain, “they're pretty dark and I really don't want to end up going 'Dark-Evil-Willow' again.”

“How do you feel about having your brains eaten?” Olivia asked.

“Olivia!” Giles gasped as he stared at his bride to be.

“I'm sorry, Rupert, Willow, but I don't like it here and I want to go home,” Olivia looked from Giles to Willow and back again, “we need to _do_ something!”

Over on the other side of the store room, Buffy was talking to Kennedy.

“Wonder what they're talking about?” Buffy asked Kennedy.

“Giles is probably trying to get Willow to do some major mojo or something,” Kennedy replied as she twisted the padlock which had been securing the security shutter, the lock snapped and came away in her hand, “there, got it.”

“You don't like her doing the big spells, do you?” Buffy asked.

“No,” Kennedy shook her head, “but I don't see how we're going to get out of this without the magics.”

“You'll just have to be her kite string again,” Buffy smiled; since the alcoholism and the night Kennedy and Buffy had spent together under the influence of the 'Everybody's gay now spell', Buffy and Kennedy had almost become friends...almost.

“Yeah but first we need to get out of here,” Kennedy switched the switch on the junction box that sent power to the motors that would open the shutters; she was just about to press the button to activate the motor when the lights flickered and went out.

“What the hell!” Buffy asked knowing exactly 'what the hell', the power had gone off, “Give me a break will you?”

Watching the aisle outside the store room, Faith wished she had a hacksaw, Buffy was right, the shotguns were far too long for urban combat. Watching as the lights flickered and went out, Faith sighed, she could do without this sort of 'crap'; what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life was going steadily down hill. Looking through the little window in the door she saw the zombies just standing around in the fresh meat aisle, they appeared to have lost interest in them. Turning her head to look into the now dark store room she saw Dawn standing by herself.

“Hey Dawnie,” Faith whispered loud enough for Dawn to hear, “come here an' keep me company while ya?”

“It doesn't look good does it Faith?” Dawn asked as she came to stand by her girlfriend.

“I've been in worse places,” Faith pointed out.

“Where? When?” Dawn wanted to know.

Faith thought about this for a moment or two and had to admit that she couldn't actually think of any situation worse than this.

“Okay,” she shrugged, “but at least I've got you with me.”

“Okay that's great,” Dawn pouted, “now we're all going to die! People only say things like that when they're all going to die.”

“No we're not,” Faith tried to reassure Dawn.

“Yes we are and is this the five minute argument or the full half hour?” Dawn wanted to know.

“Huh?”

“Never mind,” Dawn slipped her arms around Faith's waist, “just inappropriately timed humour.”

“Okay people,” Buffy called in a loud whisper, “the power's gone off so the motor that opens the shutter won't work, we need another way out.”

“Windows?” Dawn pointed to some narrow windows high up in the wall.

Glancing up Buffy said, “Hell why not?”

“Hey you might be able to climb up there but I can't,” Olivia called.

“Ladder,” Kennedy went and stood next to a ladder which was chained to the wall by the shutters.

“But its...” Olivia was about to point out that the ladder was locked to the wall by a heavy chain, just before Kennedy snapped the padlock off the chain and freed the ladder. “Okay...but what about the other side.”

“I'll go first and catch you,” Buffy replied.

“Hey,” Olivia shrugged, “just wanted to make sure you'd thought the plan through.”

While Faith and Dawn guarded the door, Buffy and Kennedy manoeuvred the ladder into place under one of the windows. Swapping weapons with Kennedy, Buffy climbed the ladder until she could see out the window. Behind the store was a large area of tarmac, obviously this was where delivery trucks manoeuvred so they could back up to the loading bay. There was a large industrial sized rubbish skip and several smaller dumpsters plus the usual piles of garbage and discarded packing you'd expect to see behind a supermarket. What she didn't see were any zombies, although that would change if they made too much noise.

Testing the window, Buffy found that it had been painted closed at some time in the past. Slowly increasing the pressure she was putting on the window frame, Buffy heard wood start to creak and splinter. Easing up a little, she didn't want to smash the window as that might attract zombies, she shifted the position of her hands before starting to push again. This time, after only a few moments of pushing the window came free and opened stiffly.

“Cool,” Kennedy called up from below.

“Right,” Buffy climbed up until she was half through the window, “there should be enough room,” she looked down at Kennedy, “you send everyone up. I'll help them down on the outside, then you and Faith come through last.”

“Ma'am, yes ma'am!” Kennedy saluted with a grin.

“You know,” Buffy gave Kennedy one of her fiercest 'angry chipmunk' looks, “when you go on your SAS course I'm going to make sure Staff Garvie is particularly mean to you.”

“Look, move y'ass slayer!” Kennedy stuck out her tongue.

“Why does everyone disrespect me?” Buffy asked herself again as she jumped down from window.

Crouching under the window, Buffy scanned the loading bay area for threats. When none appeared she looked up to see Giles waiting half in and half out of the window.

“Everything alright?” he called softly.

“Yeah,” Buffy called back, “you want a hand there watcher mine?”

“No thank-you,” Giles struggled through the gap, “I can get myself down, I'm not senile yet.”

“So Olivia tells me,” Buffy grinned as she watched Giles jump to the ground.

As it turned out, Buffy only had to help Willow and Olivia down from the window, it was about an eight foot drop. While Olivia wasn't used to having to jump out of windows to avoid zombies, Willow had never been particularly athletic plus she was slightly pregnant. Once everyone was outside they had to decide what to do next.

“Okay, Will,” Buffy turned to her old friend as they all hid behind the garbage skip, “what do you need to do the spell to get us home?”

“Well I'll need some ingredients and somewhere safe to do the casting.”

“Safe?” Buffy looked around, no where safe jumped out at her.

“Look,” Olivia stepped forward, “why don't we find somewhere we can defend, while a couple of you slayer guys go shopping for whatever Willow needs.”

“Good idea,” Buffy agreed.

“Thanks, I got the idea off 'Aliens',” Olivia explained, “Y'know where they're hold up in the colony?”

“Whatever,” Buffy nodded.

“So what we need is somewhere that's got limited access,” Giles pondered the problem.

“Oh I know!” Dawn raised her hand, “What about a shopping mall?” Everyone turned to look at Dawn, “Y'know, Dawn of the Dead the 1978 version, written and directed by George A. Romero.”

“Yeah they held up in a shopping mall,” Faith pointed out.

“I'm not sure about this,” Buffy replied reluctantly; she'd had some bad experiences lately with evil-alien-space-frogs taking over the Cleveland Centre mall in Middlesbrough and killing everyone.

“I think it'd be perfect,” Willow voiced her opinion, “with a little luck I might find the stuff to do the spell.”

“That's settled then,” Giles took the decision that no one else seemed to be willing to do, “lets go to the mall...assuming that this town has one.”

“All towns in America have malls,” Faith announced confidently.

After getting themselves organised the little group started out on the 'Great Mall Hunt'. Buffy led the way, shot gun in hand, Kennedy stayed in the middle of the group ready to defend the non-slayers with her pistol while Faith brought up the rear with the other shotgun.

By using the back streets wherever possible and by not making any noise the little party managed to avoid any conflict with the zombie hordes. However, by the time they'd found the mall it was late in the day and everyone was hungry and tied. It also looked as if they were going to have to spend another night in 'Zombie-world'.

The Springfield Mall, wasn't very big, it didn't even have an underground parking facility. The main part of the mall, where all the stores where, was on the ground floor with a small food court on the floor above. There were four main entrances situated at the cardinal points, there were bound to be others that they'd need to secure before they could rest safely. Although the power was off, the water was still working so they'd be able to use the washrooms to clean up.

The stores in the mall included one food store, not as big as the market they'd first been into, but big enough; there were also several clothing stores, but best of all there was a Wilderness store, this they made their temporary headquarters. While Kennedy and Faith ripped locks off the gun racks and opened up lockers full of ammunition Buffy explained her plan.

“Right,” she called loud enough for everyone to hear, “once we've got everyone armed and maybe changed into something more appropriate to hunting zombies...”

“Trust Buffy to be worrying about what she's gonna wear,” muttered Dawn just loud enough for everyone to hear.

“...as I was saying,” Buffy said pointedly, “once we're weaponed up, Faith and myself will walk the perimeter and secure all the exits. Kennedy, I want you to start a sweep of the inside of the mall, begin with the service areas and such like. Make sure that there's no unpleasant surprises waiting for us, okay?”

Kennedy nodded her agreement.

“Dawn, I want you to take a shotgun and go with Willow while she looks for the stuff for her spell, and finally,” Buffy turned to look at Giles and Olivia. “I want our two oldest to find somewhere defensible where we can bed down for the night and build a camp for us.”

“Using cardboard boxes and pillows no doubt,” Giles muttered dryly.

“You know what I mean,” Buffy called back, “now has anyone anything to say or add?”

“I object to being referred to as being 'old',” Olivia said.

“Whatever,” Buffy sighed as she waited for any other suggestions or comments, there were none, “okay then, lets move.”

“MA'AM, YES MA'AM!” Everyone chanted as they stood up and saluted.

“Oooh,” Buffy growled as she snatched up her shotgun, “one day I'm going to make you all suffer.”

Smirking, everyone except Faith, turned and marched out of the store, walking over to Buffy, Faith laid a hand on her shoulder.

“Y'know we only do that because we love ya,” Faith explained quietly; Buffy turned to look at her soon to be sister-in-law sceptically, “Yeah okay,” Faith continued with a shrug, “maybe not love you...maybe respect would be a better word.”

“Respect?” Buffy picked up a bandoleer of spare shells and hung it over her shoulder.

“Yeah, respect,” Faith watched as Buffy placed another bandoleer over her other shoulder before buckling one around her waist. “Yeah, even, Kennie,” Faith frowned as Buffy buckled a forth bandoleer around the one around her waist, “y'know that look makes ya look like a short, blonde, Mexican bandit?”

“Kennedy respects me?” Buffy asked disbelievingly as the two women headed for the door.

“Yeah, she always has,” Faith swung the automatic rifle she had found up onto her shoulder, she carried a dozen spare magazines in the wilderness waistcoat she was wearing. “you know when everyone threw you out of your own house back in SunnyD?”

“Not something I like to remember,” Buffy pointed out as they headed for the closest door.

“Yeah well, when ya came back, Kennie was the only one to look even a little embarrassed about throwing ya out.”

“She did?” Buffy stopped and looked at Faith closely.

“Yeah.”

“What about you?”

“I was just relieved,” Faith admitted, “no way am I a leader.”

“She really looked embarrassed?” Buffy asked again.

“Totally.” 

“Coool!” Buffy smiled as they stopped by the big plate glass doors, she looked them up and down, “these won't stop a zombie horde for long.”

“Nah,” Faith shook her head, “what we need to do is park a truck or something so the zombies can't put any pressure on the door itself.” Faith noticed the look Buffy was giving her, “Hey, look Dawn an' me watched that film together.”

“Okay,” Buffy looked outside, “so where do we find a truck at this time of day?”

0=0=0=0


	10. Chapter 10

10.

**McCarthy’s General Store.**

“Are you happy with your life, Dawnie?” Willow asked as she wandered up and down the aisles of the store looking for herbs.

“Ummph?” Dawn replied through a mouthful of cookie dough; she hadn't been able to find any in England so she was taking full advantage of being back in America (even if it was an alternate America).

“Not right now of course,” Willow played the beam of her flashlight over the goods on the shelves as she continued her search for the herbs she needed for her spell, “but in general?”

“Yeah, totally,” Dawn replied as she wiped her mouth on her sleeve, “I live with someone I love, I've got a job I enjoy and then in case I get bored I get to help stop the world ending...I mean the occasional attempts on my life just stop me from getting complacent. Why do you ask?”

“Oh its nothing really,” Willow sighed as she continued her search for herbs, “sometimes I think I've not made the right choices in life is all.”

“Gotta say, Will,” Dawn put down her cookie dough and picked up her shotgun, “the whole 'Darth Willow' thing wasn't a great turn on.”

“No, it's not that...HA!” Willow stepped over to a display of small boxes and smaller glass bottles, “Found them!” Willow smiled as she started to examine the boxes and bottles, “No...its, y'know with the baby an'all...”

“You're not having second thoughts are you?” Dawn wanted to know as she watched Willow pick up boxes of herbs, read the labels and then discard them.

“No, no, no,” Willow shook her head as she studied one particular box of herbs, “it's other stuff, like should I be concentrating on my magic instead of working,” Willow glanced at Dawn, “I don't have to work, Kennie's made that perfectly clear I don't _have_ to work...its just sometimes...” Willow's voice faded away for a moment, “...these'll do,” she held up a box with 'Mixed Herbs' printed on the side, “We'll need as many of these as we can find, each box usually contains about three or four small packets, we're going to need lots.”

“Sure, okay,” Dawn looked around, “we'll need something to carry them in, I'll go for a cart while you clean them out here, then we'll go look in the store room. You'll be okay by yourself?”

“Sure,” Willow smiled, “Mega Witch here, I'm not going to worry about a few zombies.”

“Darn it Willow!” Dawn kicked the herb display in frustration, “Now you've jinxed it, there'll be zombies all over the shop now!”

“ _All over the shop_?” Willow frowned at her young friend, “That's a little 'Northern' isn't it?”

“So I'm going native,” Dawn turned and headed off in search of a shopping cart, “sue me!”

0=0=0=0

Bringing the truck to a halt, Faith applied the brake before switching off the engine and climbing down from the cab to join Buffy on the sidewalk. So far they'd managed to block off three of the mall's four entrances without drawing too much attention to themselves. The two slayers had come up with the idea of parking vehicles in front of the mall's doors mainly from watching 'Dawn of the Dead'. The idea was to park trucks in front of the doors to prevent the zombies from breaking through the mall's glass doors. As zombies weren't particularly bright they wouldn't think of climbing under or over the trucks so they wouldn't be able to smash in the doors, at least that was the theory.

“Hey!” Faith called as she jumped down to land lightly next to Buffy, “Just had a thought.”

“What's that?” Buffy asked as she eyed the street, just at the moment Faith and herself were on the wrong side of their barricade.

“If Dawnie became one of those, like, Necromancer guys...” Faith began.

“Do you think its something she's likely to do?” Buffy asked deadpan.

“No but listen,” Faith was now having difficulty hiding the grin on her face, “But if she did an' she started to raise the dead...would that make her _Dawn_ of the Dead?”

Buffy stared at Faith straight faced for several heartbeats before she said, “Don't give up your day job.”

“Hey you're such a tight-ass sometimes, B,” Faith called.

“Tight ass?” Buffy looked Faith in the eye, “I'm a tight ass? That's the, time travelling, goes and gets spanked every month, ex-convict, alcoholic, lesbian slayer tight ass, right?”

“Well now ya put it like that,” Faith admitted, “and I thought Will turned you Bi.”

“Bi!?” Buffy gasped.

“Erm yep,” Faith had the strangest feeling she'd just said the wrong thing, “she didn't mention it to ya?”

“No,” Buffy shook her head slowly, “pray do explain.”

Faith gulped, she knew when people said things like 'pray do explain', this meant there was going to be trouble.

“Yeah,” Faith started hesitantly, “like she said she was getting fed up changing you gay and then straight again so she decided to leave you Bi...”

“She did did she?”

“Uh-huh,” Faith desperately tried to think of something to say that might make this better, “Best of both worlds, y'know, B?” she suggested, “Doubles your choices for a good time.”

“Duck,” Buffy replied.

“Hey!” Faith frowned, “There's no need to go all surreal on me.”

“No!” Buffy brought her shotgun to her shoulder, “Really, DUCK!”

Faith crouched down while Buffy fired over her head.

“Surreal?” Buffy jacked another shell into her shotgun's breach, “You really have been improving yourself.”

“Hey,” Faith stood up straight and turned to see what Buffy had shot, “Librarian now, okay?”

Lying in the road not six yards away lay a very dead zombie, more dangerously Faith saw an entire pack of the creatures milling around a road junction only eighty or so yards further along the street.

“Time to go,” Buffy explained as she turned and came to a sudden halt, “CRAP!”

Looking over her shoulder to see what Buffy was so upset about, Faith saw another crowd of zombies less than fifty yards away, something told her that the zombies were going to charge.

“Take 'em down!” Faith called as she raised her automatic rifle to her shoulder and started to fire.

“Typical 'Lehane Plan',” Buffy complained between the booming reports of her shotgun, “Kill-kill, yippee-yippee!”

“Awww, admit it,” Faith shot down the zombies by placing a single round in the forehead of each zombie as it ran at her, “you love it!”

0=0=0=0

Listening to the sound of gunfire coming from outside, Dawn turned to look accusingly at Willow, “That's all your fault,” she gestured to the outside world, “ _not going to worry about a few zombies_ indeed!”

0=0=0=0

Pushing the door open with the muzzle of her rifle, Kennedy stepped into the office beyond ready to blast any zombies to bloody shreds that might be hiding there. It came as something of an anti-climax when one or more of the living dead didn't burst out at her and try to eat her brain. Sighing with disappointment, Kennedy lowered her rifle; it was one like Faith had picked up; a civilian version of the type used by the US Army. 

In Kennedy's book, Faith was 'super cool' so any weapon Faith used was alright by her, in fact Kennedy had a little case of hero worship where Faith was concerned. She admitted, to herself, that if she'd not already started a relationship with Willow she'd have gone after the super-sexy-dark-haired-slayer. But she had been and Kennedy wasn't the sort of girl to change horses in midstream and anyway, she had the feeling that any relationship between herself and Faith would ultimately be self destructive. Whatever, she was more than happy with her relationship with Willow and... Kennedy stopped to listen, she could hear gunfire somewhere outside.

“Damn it!” Kennedy moved quickly towards the office's window; someone was having fun while she was stuck inside!

Seeing nothing in the street below, Kennedy turned with every intention of going down to street level and finding out what was going on. As she turned she was just in time to see the slavering zombie come towards her frighteningly quickly. It moved so fast that she didn't have time to raise her rifle and shoot it before it grabbed hold of her arm. Fending off the zombie's free hand which was trying to claw out her eyes, Kennedy wrapped her other arm around the zombie's arm which had hold of the sleeve of her t-shirt. Forcing the arm against the elbow joint she jerked it upwards and heard the bone snap. The zombie didn't seem to react other than to redouble its attempts at blinding Kennedy with its remaining hand.

Now with both hands more or less free, Kennedy was able to parry the zombie's attacks so that she could grab hold of its head. With a shrug of her shoulders she snapped the zombie's neck. Stooping, she snatched up her fallen rifle. Standing up again she put a round through the zombie's forehead just to be on the safe side. Even before she could congratulate herself on fighting off this attack the office door burst open to reveal an entire horde of zombie's dressed in the uniforms of various food concessions she'd noticed around the mall; they were all trying to get in through the narrow door.

Not being a great fan of fast food, Kennedy didn't even pause before she started to fire. Cursing at the laws forbidding fully automatic weapons, Kennedy pulled her trigger as fast as she could. The rifle barked as the muzzle flash reached for the ravening horde at the door. To an outside observer it might look as if Kennedy was firing blindly at the undead horde; she was in fact firing quickly but accurately putting one or two rounds through each zombie's head. By the time the zombies had stopped trying to get at her the door was nearly blocked with bodies.

“You want fries with that?” Kennedy asked as she swapped her used magazine for a fresh one.

Walking over to the pile of bodies in the doorway she pushed a way through with her foot and immediately wished she was wearing her boots. There was a lot of blood and it was starting to soak through the sneakers she was wearing. It was while she was trying to get out of the office without getting too much blood on herself that Kennedy really looked at the zombies for the first time. The thing that made her stop to think was the fact that the bodies were bleeding. This just didn't seem right to the young slayer.

Zombies were dead, right? She asked herself, there fore they shouldn't 'bleed', _ooze_ yes, but bleed no. Also these zombies were _way_ too lively. They were faster moving than any zombie she'd ever read about or those depicted in movies except for that '28 Days Later' movie where people had been turned into zombie-like creatures because of a virus. The thought popped into Kennedy's mind that these weren't _real_ zombies, that they might be people who'd caught a virus. Of course that wouldn't stop her shooting them, after all the 'we don't kill humans' rule had never bothered her much and nowadays it was more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule. Leaving the dead zombies behind her Kennedy jogged through the corridors heading back to the shopping area, she wanted to talk to Willow about her new and disturbing theory.

0=0=0=0

“Changing clip!” Faith cried as she ejected her spent magazine and replaced it with a fresh one.

“Magazine!” Buffy called between blasts of her shotgun, “If Hanno Garvie hears you call it a 'clip'.” Buffy blew away yet another zombie, it's head disintegrating in a whirlwind of buck shot, “he'll get really pissed at you.”

“Whatever,” Faith shrugged as she brought her rifle back to her shoulder and shot down the last three charging zombies with three quick shots.

After one final shotgun blast, Buffy stopped firing a couple of seconds after Faith; she rested the butt of her weapon on her hip as she took shells from her bandoleers and thumbed them into her weapon's breach.

“Cool,” Buffy sighed softly as she surveyed the carnage spread out across the street in front of her.

“Yeah, like a job well done,” Faith agreed, “we musta got a hundred of 'em.”

“Yeah,” Buffy nodded her head, “if that sign was right that only leaves 6739 left to shoot.”

“Killjoy,” Faith muttered as she checked her waistcoat for spare magazines, deciding she had plenty she turned to Buffy, “How ya doin' for shells?”

“I've got plenty,” Buffy admitted, “I only used up one bandoleer.”

“Okay to block off the last set of doors?” Faith wanted to know.

“Good idea,” Buffy started to walk towards the pile of dead zombies she'd left lying on the street, “might be an idea to get away from here before any more zombies turn up.”

“Or the town council charges you for littering their streets,” Faith pointed out.

“Hey!” Buffy glanced back at her soon to be sister-in-law, “Half of those are yours so you've gotta pay half the fine.”

0=0=0=0

“The shooting's stopped,” Olivia listened carefully, but no more gunshots came to her ears, “You think everyone's alright?”

“Take more than a few zombies to slow down Buffy, or Faith or even Kennedy,” Giles looked up from where he was connecting up a gas fuelled camping cooker he'd taken from the wilderness store.

As requested the two 'oldies' were setting up camp for the group. They'd come across a furniture store at the back of the mall. After checking it for zombies they'd pushed beds and furniture around until they had a proper little home away from home. If they were going to have to spend another night in zombie-world, Giles couldn't see any reason that they not spend it in comfort.

“You're very...” Olivia looked over at Giles from where she was making up beds with linen she'd taken from store a couple of doors down, “...what's the word I'm looking for? Confident, that's it, confident in your girl's abilities.”

“I wouldn't let them hear you referring to them as 'my girls',” Giles observed.

“But they are aren't they?” Olivia finished making the bed she was working on before sitting down and watching Giles for a moment.

“I...” Giles was about to deny it but then stopped himself, “...yes I suppose they are...I mean I've trained Buffy since she was sixteen and the others too to a greater or lesser degree.”

“They all look up to you as the father figure,” Olivia said slowly.

“Jealous?” Giles tried to make a joke of it but couldn't quite pull it off.

“No,” Olivia shook her had, “well, not much...as long as you remember who you go to bed with at the end of a busy day fighting the forces of evil...now there's something I never thought I'd hear myself saying.”

“What?” Giles went over and sat down next to Olivia, “About fighting the forces of evil or going to bed with me?”

0=0=0=0


	11. Chapter 11

11.

**Fort Giles.**

“Okay,” Buffy pulled the security shutter closed over the door; however, as it had been designed to be closed from the outside she couldn't lock it shut, “we're about as secure as seven people surrounded by over six-thousand zombies can be.”

Walking over to where the rest of the group sat, Buffy noticed how nicely all the furniture had been arranged. There were real made up beds each in its own little alcove so everyone could have at least some privacy. There was a communal area centred around a dinning area and Olivia and Dawn were putting the finishing touches to a meal that they were working on in a fake kitchen.

“Wow guys,” Buffy flopped down into an easy chair next to Faith, “this is better than my chalet back home.”

“So, are we safe?” Willow asked from a chair next to Kennedy.

“Like I said,” Buffy shrugged non-committally, “we're about as safe as we can be.”

“Yeah,” Faith agreed, “the entrances are all blocked off an' after Kennie took out the junk food chiefs...”

“Hey that sounds like a rock group,” Dawn called over from the kitchen area.

“What?” Buffy and Faith said together.

“The Junk Food Chiefs,” Dawn explained.

“You know Dawn,” Buffy sighed, “you're my sister and I love you but sometimes I wonder if Faith really knows what she's let herself in for living with you.”

“It's okay, sis,” Faith smirked, “she only does it while you're around.”

“Stop calling me 'sis',” Buffy pouted, “you and Dawnie aren't married...civil partnershipped or whatever yet.”

“If I might interject?” Giles spoke up from his own chair, “You were saying about these junk food employees?”

“Yeah,” Faith nodded her head, “once Kennie had done that an' B an' me got in from doing our thing, Kennie an' I did a sweep of the building; we're alone in here.”

“These aren't real zombies are they?” Kennedy ventured as she reached out and took hold of Willow's hand.

“They looked real enough to me when they were trying to eat my brains,” Buffy pointed out.

“Kennedy's right,” Willow said quietly, “these aren't your normal magically resurrected zombies.”

“Huh?” Buffy asked concisely.

“Look,” Willow took a deep breath as she started to explain, “to raise this number of zombies normally...”

“There's a normal way of raising zombies?” Olivia asked clearly worried. 

“Yeah,” Willow nodded, “but this is my point, to raise this number of zombies magically would have taken a lot of power and I'd be able to sense that.”

“And you don't?” Giles asked.

“Nope,” Willow shook her head.

“So what are ya thinkin', Red?” Faith wanted to know.

“Well,” the witch sighed quietly, “if it was your normal transmitted by bite or other injury zombeism we'd see more damage on the individual zombies, there'd also be more sign of a struggle. I mean people don't just let zombies bite them, they try and get away or kill the zombie, I for one haven't seen anything like that.”

“She's right guys,” Faith shifted in her seat, “apart from all the zombies this ville looks pretty normal.”

“So what are you suggesting, Will?” Buffy wanted to know.

“I don't know for sure,” Willow shrugged, “but my guess is an artificially made, quick acting virus. I mean whatever happened here happened pretty fast.”

“So you're saying someone caused all this to happen deliberately?” Olivia asked from behind Giles' chair.

“Looks like,” Willow agreed.

“But why?” Olivia wanted to know.

“We know very little about the situation in this world,” Giles pointed out, “this could be a terrorist attack for all we know.”

“Giles is right,” Dawn called as she stirred their lunch.

“So, what do we do about it?” Olivia asked.

“Nothing,” Willow replied simply.

“You mean you're willing to leave all these people to suffer like this?” Olivia asked sharply.

“What do you suggest we do?” Willow wanted to know.

“I don't know,” Olivia sounded confused and frustrated, “couldn't you magic them better?”

“Sorry Olivia,” Buffy spoke up, “even I know that's not going to work.”

“Sorry Olivia,” Willow sighed sadly, “but that's a normal misconception of the non-magic community,” she went on to explain, “I could probably cure all these people but the amount of magic I'd need to do it would end up with me turning evil and you guys trying to kill me before I took over the world or something.” Willow saw the confusion on Olivia's face, “Using magic has its consequences, the more magic you use the bigger the consequences.”

“You might want to think about that before you ask Willow to teach you any spells,” Giles pointed out.

“I see,” Olivia nodded her head slowly, “for every action there's a reaction...”

“And who knows,” Dawn tried to lighten what had become a fairly down beat mood, “they might get better...I mean if this is an artificial virus it might only last for a while.”

“Dawnie could be right,” Willow shrugged again, “that might be why we haven't seen anyone trying to do anything. The authorities might have just cordoned off the area until the effects of the virus wear off.”

“But in the mean time what do we do?” Olivia asked having more or less accepted that there was little they could do to save the situation.

“Well,” Willow sat up in her seat and held on to Kennedy's hand tightly, “I for one am going to wait until about one o'clock tomorrow morning then I'm going to open a portal and go home; if you want you can come with...unless you're having fun here.”

“You got the spell ready?” Giles asked, the surprise and relief in his voice plain for all to hear.

“Got the herbs and chemicals I need,” Willow explained, “all I need to do is draw a pentagram on the floor, light up some stinky herbs an' stuff, say a couple of rhyming couplets and 'Hey-presto!' off we go.”

“It's that easy?” Olivia had obviously expected it to be more complicated.

“For me yes,” Willow grinned smugly, “coz I'm so good and powerful...”

“Willow,” Kennedy warned in a quiet voice.

“It's okay sweetie,” Willow reassured her girlfriend, “look, once I open a portal we just have to step into it and we'll be sent home.”

“I'm with Olivia on this one,” Buffy said, “this sounds too easy.”

“Look, we don't belong here,” Willow continued, “our bodies, our souls, whatever, want to be in our home reality. All I have to do is give us an opening an' the universe will do the rest.”

“Where did you learn this Will?” Buffy wanted to know.

“Tanya explained a lot of it and I did a little experimentation by myself,” Willow admitted.

Tanya Hyde (strictest discipline enforced at all times) was the woman who gave Buffy a good spanking on the afternoon of the second Monday of every month; she was also a witch who'd learnt a lot about time travel and dimension travel while she was the willing sex slave of a sex-demon.

“Oh, that's okay then,” Buffy sighed with relief, “for a minute there I thought you'd come up with this all by yourself.”

“Hey!” Willow squeaked, “I'll have you know...”

“I'm sure Buffy didn't mean it like it sounded,” Giles said as he tried to head off what would be another pointless digression.

“I'm sorry Will,” Buffy said contritely, “I didn't mean that to sound the way it did...I have every confidence in your magical abilities.”

“So what do we do for the next,” Giles glanced at his watch, “six hours?”

“We could eat dinner before it sticks to the pan,” Dawn suggested.

0=0=0=0

**Later, just before midnight.**

Standing with her rifle held loosely in her hands Faith stared into the darkness of the mall, it was quiet, too quiet and more importantly her slayer instincts were telling her something wasn't right. Feeling the presence of another slayer beside her she turned to look at Buffy.

“You feel it too?” Faith asked softly.

“Yeah,” Kennedy said from the side of Faith opposite Buffy.

“You think the shutters will hold?” Buffy asked; the security shutters weren't the solid type you'd find on the windows of a store that faced out onto the street, these were like a very heavy, rigid chain.

Reaching out Faith shook the shutter, it rattled heavily, there was no glass between the store and the shutters so they could fire their weapons through the gaps in the shutter's mesh.

“But they can't get in,” Kennedy pointed out, “you guys blocked off the doors. Faith and I did a sweep of the inside, we're safe, right?”

“Unless we missed somethin',” Faith shrugged.

“Or the zombies are smarter than the average zombie and have found a way in,” Buffy pointed out.

“Or there's more than zombies out there,” Kennedy joined in with the slayer-doom-fest.

“Oh we are a happy bunch,” Buffy observed.

“Goes with the territory,” Faith agreed.

“You can't go far wrong by going with the worst case scenario,” Kennedy agreed.

“What's up guys?” Willow asked sleepily as she joined the doom-slayer-three.

“Oh nothing much,” Buffy sighed heavily.

“We think there's something in here with us, honey,” Kennedy explained.

“Okay,” Willow said slowly as she looked at her watch, “its nearly twelve-thirty. It'll take me a while to prepare so we might as well get everyone up and ready...can I have Dawn to help me?”

“I'd rather you took Olivia,” Buffy observed, “I'm guessing Olivia doesn't know much about guns and Dawn's done the basic firearms course.”

“Okay,” Willow agreed, “I really only want someone to fetch and carry.”

“I'll get everyone up,” Faith volunteered.

“Okay, lets get this road on the show,” Buffy said as she held on to her shotgun tighter and watched through the shutters for Kennedy's 'something else'.

“How do you think they got in?” Kennedy asked Buffy quietly once Willow and Faith had gone.

“I don't know,” Buffy admitted, “we must have missed something, a door, a service tunnel, maybe they came in through the roof.”

“Now you sound like that guy in 'Aliens',” Kennedy smiled.

“Not as scary as 'Alien' I thought,” Buffy observed.

“Ah,” Kennedy nodded, “that was because it was the 'action/adventure' film of the trilogy.”

“Yeah,” Buffy nodded seeing Kennedy's point, “never liked the third film...can't even remember what it was called now.”

“Me too,” Kennedy agreed.

“See we're more alike than I really wanted to be,” Buffy frowned as she glanced at Kennedy.

“Yeah I know,” Kennedy admitted, “we must try harder to be different.”

“Got-cha,” Buffy nodded before she looked over her shoulder to see the living area lit up with camping lanterns and everyone moving around, “Come on guys,” Buffy called out, “lets make with the mojo...”

“Buffy,” Kennedy hissed.

“W-what...!” Buffy turned and looked out through the shutter to see wall to wall zombies standing just at the edge of the light cast by the lanterns, “CRAP! SHOOT!”

Not really needing much encouragement Kennedy opened fire just as Buffy triggered her shotgun. Zombies started to fall as they threw themselves at the security shutters. A moment later both Faith and Dawn appeared at the shutters and opened fire at the zombie horde that rushed at them intent on eating their brains.

Buffy and Dawn started to work as a team, one of them would fire as the other reloaded while Faith and Kennedy kept up a steady fire with their faster loading rifles. Zombies fell to blasts of buckshot or from neat 5.56mm holes in their foreheads. Almost as soon as the attack had started it faded away.

“You think we beat them off?” Dawn asked hopefully.

“This is atypical zombie behaviour,” Kennedy pointed out.

“She's right,” Faith called out as she swapped a half full magazine for a full one, “in all the films, zombies just keep coming.”

“Darn!” Buffy finished reloading before she turned to cover the rest of the store, “Maybe they're looking for another way in? Giles, Willow, how much longer? We could be knee deep in the living dead any minute now.”

“I've got everything laid out,” Willow called back, “all we've got to do is wait another ten minutes and do the chant then we're outta here.”

“Okay guys,” Buffy glanced at her sister and sister slayers, “what say we fall back to cover Willow and her pentagram? Anyone got a better idea?”

“Can't think of one,” Faith admitted.

“I'm with Faith,” Kennedy agreed.

“Okay lets move!” Buffy started to back towards where Willow and the other's stood.

“HERE THEY COME AGAIN!” Faith called just as she opened fire.

Once again the zombies rushed the security shutter as the fire from the defenders cut them down. Feeling a prickling at the back of her neck, Kennedy stopped firing and turned to see one of the ceiling tiles near where Willow was standing start to move.

“THEY'RE IN THE CRAWL SPACE!” she yelled as she moved to cover Willow.

Firing rapidly into the ceiling, Kennedy was rewarded by seeing several Zombies fall from the roof amid a jumble of ceiling tiles and service equipment. Although shot the zombies got unsteadily to their feet only to be knocked down again as Kennedy put two rounds into each of their heads.

“FALL BACK!” Buffy cried as she backed away from the shutter while still blasting the undead with her shotgun.

Running over towards Kennedy, Dawn slipped shells into her weapon as she moved, “Where are they?” she asked as she scanned the ceiling for targets.

“THERE!” Kennedy turned and fired rapidly at a tile that had become dislodged as a zombie's legs appeared.

The zombie half fell, half jumped to the floor only to have its head completely blown off by a blast from Dawn's shotgun. Falling back from the shutter, Faith kept the zombies back while Buffy moved to help Kennedy and Dawn cover the ceiling.

“THE BACK DOOR!” Giles yelled just before he felled three zombies with four shotgun shells.

“CRAP!” Buffy yelled at seeing the new threat; how the hell had the zombies got in she'd thought they were sewn up tight. “HOW LONG WILL!?”

“MINUTES!” Willow cried back as Olivia blasted the head off an approaching zombie with a single shot.

“FORM SQUARE!” Giles yelled.

“WHAT!” several voices said at once.

“Form a square around Willow that way we can protect her while she does her spell,” he explained.

“Can six people form a square?” Dawn wanted to know as she moved into position.

In seconds, they had formed a loose protective formation around Willow, whatever it was it didn't look much like a square.

“Merde,” Faith muttered as she saw the zombie horde sweep towards them.

While the humans had been reorganising the zombies had been able to advance on the shutters and pull them down. They were now making their way towards the defenders in a seemingly unstoppable wave of undead.

“FIRE!” Giles yelled.

The air was suddenly filled by the deafening sound of gunshots as the darkness was pierced by the bright strobe-like muzzle flashes of rifles and shot guns. Zombies fell by the dozen, but there were always more to take their place, as Buffy had commented earlier there had to be a good six-thousand zombies in town. It didn't matter how many they 'killed' there would always be more and they'd run out of bullets long before they ran out of zombies.

0=0=0=0


	12. Chapter 12

12.

**Zombie Hell.**

'BOOM!' The muzzle flash from Buffy's shotgun lit up the face of the zombie an instant before it disintegrated in a storm of buckshot. The zombies were now so close that there was hardly time for her to jack a new round into the breach of her weapon before another target presented itself; what she'd do when the last round in her shotgun was used up she didn't know. 

The furniture store was a chaos of flashing weapons and loud 'bangs' as a seemingly inexhaustible supply of zombies moved inexorably towards the little band of defenders. Buffy was beginning to regret her choice of weapons. Yeah, the shotgun was cool and very efficient at blowing the heads of zombies but it only had seven shells in its magazine (eight if you didn't mind walking around with a shell in the breach), she now wished she'd picked up an automatic rifle like the ones Faith and Kennedy were using.

But that was all water under the bridge now, there was nothing she could do about it; she fired again and brought down yet another zombie, she now had four rounds in her weapon. The zombies were so close now that they were almost in grabbing range of team slayer's weapons. Next to Buffy, Faith fired single shots into the heads of the approaching zombies. Firing swiftly and without missing she brought down shambling horror after shambling horror. But that would only last until her magazine ran dry, the zombies would be on them before she could reload.

Feeling someone or something stagger into her back, Buffy turned to see Olivia on the floor and a zombie standing over her. Bring her shotgun to bear, Buffy fired and took off the zombies head, she now had two shells in her gun. Jacking her penultimate round into her weapon, Buffy bent down, grabbed Olivia by the arm and pulled her to her feet. Almost as soon as Olivia was upright again a zombie lurched towards the two women and tried to drag Olivia off into the mass of undead that were slowly tightening the circle around the defenders. Jamming the muzzle of her weapon into the zombie's face, Buffy fired once more. The zombie's head exploded and pieces of putrid flesh flew in all directions to splatter across the bodies of Giles and Kennedy who were the closest to the exploding zombie, no one seemed to care. Jacking her last round into the breach, Buffy was just about to take down another zombie when a bright light forced her to close her eyes for a moment.

“I'VE GOT IT!” Willow's voice rang out over the sound of firing as the portal home opened.

Without conscious thought Buffy pushed Olivia towards the portal, the woman cried out in alarm as she staggered towards the bright light. Her cry of surprise was cut off in mid yell as the portal sucked her in and she vanished.

“Will you're next!” Buffy literally picked Willow up and threw her into the light, “GILES, DAWN, GO!”

Backing towards the light, Giles and Dawn vanished from zombie-hell with a short cry of alarm. By now the three slayers were standing with their backs toward the portal. The appearance of the portal had actually improved their tactical situation. Not only had the sudden appearance of such a strong magical field coupled with a bright light, caused the zombies to halt their advance for a moment. The presence of the portal meant that the slayers had an impassable object behind them and could safely back towards it without fear of a zombie attacking them from behind.

“YOU GO FIRST!” Faith yelled at Buffy.

“NO WAY!” Buffy shouted back as she fired the last shell in her gun; unable to reload she held her shotgun by the barrel to use the weapon as a club.

“DON'T ARGUE!” Faith cried as she shoved Buffy into the portal.

Taken by surprise, Buffy staggered through the portal and suddenly found herself back in the gymnasium at Slayer Central. Stumbling to a halt she turned to face the portal as she frantically began to thumb cartridges into her shotgun. Raising her half loaded weapon, Buffy saw Kennedy pop out of the portal rather like a cork being shot from the neck of a bottle of champaign. The younger slayer landed in a heap on the floor but soon recovered herself. Grabbing hold of her rifle she turned to face the portal ready to blast anything that came through.

“Where’s Faith?” Buffy demanded.

“She was right behind me!” Kennedy gasped her eyes riveted to the glowing portal.

Almost before Kennedy had finished speaking, Faith shot out of the portal to land with a loud 'THUMP!' on the floor in front of Buffy. Unfortunately Faith had brought a 'friend' with her. Stepping towards where Faith struggled with the zombie, Buffy raised her shotgun and brought it crashing down on the zombie's head. The foul creature's head exploded with a watermelon smashing sound, it spasmed for a moment before lying still. Helping Faith back to her feet Buffy was shocked to hear Kennedy's rifle going off. Looking towards the portal she saw zombies popping into existence as they flew from the portal.

“WILL CUT IT OFF!” Buffy yelled as she joined Kennedy in shooting down the flying zombies.

“I'M TRYING!” Willow wailed, but the portal remained stubbornly open.

More and more zombies came through the portal. They stumbled and fell after coming through the portal and at first the three slayers were able to shoot them down before they could get up and attack. But there were always more zombies to come through and eventually Buffy, Faith and Kennedy were forced back from the portal which gave the zombies time to come through the portal, pick themselves up off the floor and attack. Within a few minutes there were unengaged zombies rushing at the defenders who were once again in the position of a desperate defence.

“IT WON'T CLOSE DOWN!” Willow called over the sound of gun fire and growling zombies, “THE ZOMBIES ARE KEEPING IT OPEN YOU'VE GOTTA STOP THEM COMING THROUGH!”

“Crap!” Buffy swore as she exterminated yet an other zombie, there were just too many of them for the three of them to fight.

It was just as another wave of zombies popped from the portal like so many jumping-jacks that the volume of fire directed at the zombies suddenly increased. Turning her head she saw a dozen teenage slayers each armed with an AK47 and firing from the hip come into position next to the embattled senior slayers. Very quickly the balance of power swung in favour of the slayers as the zombies were shot down faster than they could come through the portal. Within a couple of minutes there wasn't a standing zombie left in the gym. A couple of girls fired through the portal to stop the zombies trying to come through again. As they fired, Maddy and Gillian ran up to the portal and threw explosive charges through the portal into zombie world. The girl's with the guns stopped firing, there was the merest suggestion of an explosion just before the portal winked out of existence.

0=0=0=0

**Later.**

“Thanks,” Buffy told the young slayer in the bridesmaid's outfit as she took her shotgun and cartridge belts; she turned to Xander as he came to stand next to her, “and thank-you.”

“Gate crashers, huh?” Xander grinned looking even more piratical than he normally did, he still held an AK in his right hand; his bow tie was undone and his shirt collar was unbuttoned. 

He sort of looked like a one-eyed James Bond after a hard day at the office.

“How did you know?” Buffy looked around as slayer-girls dragged the bodies of the zombies towards the doors.

“Oh,” Xander shrugged, “time must pass at a different rate in zombie hell and the here and now. When Olivia popped through we could guess there was something wrong by the way she kept screaming and yelling about zombies.”

“Yeah,” Buffy tried to stifle the inappropriate giggle that threatened to burst from her mouth, “I hope we haven't traumatised her for life.”

“Whatever,” Xander shrugged again, “a couple of minutes later Giles and Dawn appeared and we got a more coherent picture of what was going on so I sent the girls for some guns.”

Buffy looked around, there were a dozen or more young slayers dressed in their wedding best with automatic rifles still slung across their backs as they started the clean up.

“Then when Willow and you came through,” Xander continued his story, “followed by Kennie, Faith and a load of zombies Giles sent Maddy and Gillian to bring some explosive...so...lots of shooting, a couple of big bangs and no more zombies.”

“You got them all?” Buffy asked looking around the gym.

“Yep,” Xander replied with a firm nod.

“You're sure?”

“Sure.”

“Cool,” Buffy sighed with relief before asking, “how long were we gone?”

“Erm,” Xander glanced at his watch, “you vanished at about eleven and its nearly nine o'clock now.”

“Ten hours?” Buffy gasped.

“Yeah, why? How long do you think you've been gone?”

“Nearly two days,” Buffy replied, she looked around and sat down on a handy chair, “what happened to all the wedding guests?”

“Well, y'know I sorta guessed there wouldn't be a wedding today so I sent everyone home,” Xander told her.

“Did you have to...” Buffy hesitated as she looked around at all the bullets holes in the walls, shredded flower arrangements and over turned tables, “...like explain anything away?”

“No,” Xander shook his head, “most everyone was looking at Amy when you vanished so I just said that the wedding was postponed and we'd contact everyone later.”

“Oh my god!” Buffy gasped, “all the food for the reception will be ruined.”

“Nah,” Xander shook his head, “we had the reception anyway.”

“You what?” Buffy frowned, she'd been looking forward to pigging out at the reception.

“Waste not want not,” Xander explained, “and we didn't know when you'd be back and it helped to keep everyone from asking too many questions.”

“Amy?”

“Vanished.”

“Darn,” Buffy sighed heavily, “so she's still out there?”

“Probably, or she's wondered off to a different reality,” Xander replied hopefully.

“We should be so lucky,” Buffy's shoulders slumped as she sat on her chair, “Damn it all Xan, we can't even hold a wedding without the world turning to crap around us.”

“Don't let it worry you,” Xander pulled up a seat and sat down next to Buffy, “we can do all the wedding stuff later. In the mean time why don't you go home and clean up, have a good night's sleep then you can worry about all this in the morning.”

“You're so sweet,” Buffy leant towards Xander and kissed him on the cheek, “what would I do without you?”

“For a start you'd have to find yourself another understanding building contractor who doesn't ask too many questions.”

“Like why there's bullet holes in the walls of the gym?”

“Yeah,” Xander grinned, “something like that.”

“Right,” Buffy got to her feet, “I think I'll take Doctor Xander's advice, see you in the morning?”

“Bright and early,” Xander confirmed.

“Not too bright, please,” Buffy paused before heading out of the gym, “and maybe not too early either.”

0=0=0=0

**Buffy's Chalet a little later.**

Sitting on the edge of her bed dressed in her PJs, Buffy towelled her hair dry after having a good long, hot shower. Once she'd dried and brushed out her hair, she made herself a hot drink and a snack. Then she'd watched TV for a while before getting ready for bed...by herself...as usual. 

Sighing heavily, Buffy looked at herself in her mirror. Just what was wrong with her? Why couldn't she find someone to love without them turning out to be a vampire, or a super-secret-soldier, or another vampire or a 'cad', or any one of the disaster areas all her boyfriends seemed to turn into. The couple of times she'd tried out girls hadn't worked out so well either.

Imagining what her sister and her friends were probably doing right now. Buffy closed her eyes and quickly scrubbed those thoughts from her mind. Particularly those thoughts concerning what Dawn was probably doing with Faith right about now. So what was wrong with her? Was she that 'bad' that she didn't deserve to love someone or was it that she just made the wrong choices. The last guy she'd been interested in had died while being tortured by evil-alien-space-frogs, but that was hardly her fault.

It wasn't as if she was ugly either.

“I'm cute,” Buffy told her refection, “short and blonde, aren't guys supposed to like cute, short, blonde girls?” A thought struck Buffy right at that moment, “Girl? Hardly a girl anymore,” she told herself, “You'll be twenty-seven next birthday...oh what's wrong with me?” Buffy asked an uncaring universe, “I can cook an' sew, and I'm not anywhere near as disorganised as I used to be. I don't smoke, I've got the alcoholism under control and that time I spent in prison was so not my fault...”

As far as Buffy could see there should be guys, or indeed girls (if what she'd been told about Willow turning her Bi was true) lining up around the block to marry her. That was what she wanted she realised with a start, she wanted to be married like her friends, she wanted her own slice of normal before it was too late, before fate caught up with her and... Well, Buffy told herself, what fate had in store for her was anyone's guess, but sometimes she couldn't get the feeling that she was living on borrowed time out of her mind.

0=0=0=0

**Later still.**

Switching off the TV after watching the late night news, Buffy yawned and stretched. Picking up her mug and plate she placed them in the sink of her kitchenette, she could wash them up with the breakfast things in the morning. Suddenly the thought of another lonely breakfast made her feel sad again.

“No,” Buffy told herself as she switched out the lights and headed for her bedroom, “No more feeling sorry for yourself, no more sad-Buffy. One day my prince or princess will come.”

Closing her bedroom door behind her, Buffy took off her robe and got into bed. Switching off the light she laid her head down on her pillow, closed her eyes and fell asleep in moments. As Buffy slept she dreamed, she dreamed about her own wedding day. A wedding day uninterrupted by crazed witches or zombies or evil-alien-space-frogs or any one of a thousand monsters that had tried to kill her over the years. Instead she dreamed that when she finally got married she wouldn't have to fight for her life.

_I can cook and I can sew  
I can keep a house right tidy  
Rise up in the morning  
And get the breakfast ready  
There's nothing in this wide world  
That makes my heart so cheery  
As a wee fat man  
To call me his own deary_

_And it's oh dear me how will it be  
If I die an old slayer in the garret_

Poor Buffy...The End?

0=0=0=0


End file.
